Monday, June 18, 2012

I Need a Laughing Couch

That laughter where your mascara runs down your face and you are gasping for breath and the sounds, good god the sounds you are making don't even sound human, THAT is the secret.  The inappropriate shrieking, snorting, belly laughs that you have no idea where they came from.  Those giggles that sound like a 3 year old and yet, are full of wisdom of knowing really dark shit. 

I pretty much need a fainting couch but I would call it a laughter couch.  You get the idea.  I fall on the floor from laughing a lot.  It would be a hell of a lot softer to fall on a beauty like this.....

THAT is the laughter that will keep you going through the shit.  If you don't have that laughter, you best find it and find people who make you laugh like that right quick.  It's the secret. 

It's what makes a room full of miserable undesirables be able to move on and forgive themselves for the terrible shit we've all done.  Over and over and over and we laugh our asses off when we hear horrible stories about how awful we were and then what we did to fix it.  And we laugh.  We laugh when we hear someone come in and tell our story and we shake our head with that knowing laughter that IT GETS BETTER.  It gets so much better. 

It's what makes giving shots of hormones to your wife more bearable when you see her bruises and rashes and see her tears but she's laughing through them because you two have more fun together than should ever be allowed by two consenting adults.  When your husband calls you on the phone and reduces you to snorkgiggling with just a sound he makes?  Congratulations.  You are with someone truly great for you. 

Even when you are in knee deep in the shit, you laugh.  Because you know.  You know the depths of despair and darkness and this today?  Is not it.   This is the good stuff.  Even when it's really bad, when you feel fearful of what is to come and what you don't have, you laugh.  Because you are just so damned grateful for all you DO have. 

Sometimes I post shit, and it is so cheesy, I want to slap myself.  But then I know that it's absolutely what I believe to be true, and I just say screw it.  I mean this.  I am writing and sharing this.

I've been to hell.  I know what it is to be without hope.   I'm scared of being here on earth without laughter and without love.  That is my hell today.  That is the place that takes me to drinking.  Dark and broody and angry and bitter do not suit me today.  They are my old self.  I found the light.  I work to keep that light.  It's not natural for me.  My natural state is dark and cynical.  So I dork out and I embrace my spaz dancer within.  And just like anything else, you practice enough, it becomes habit.  For this, I am responsible. For my happiness, I am responsible.  Nothing and no one else can give me what I can give myself. 

Laughter.  It's not medicine.  It's way better. 


  1. Thank you for being a source of said laughter for me. :) You remind me DAILY that it's so important to be happy, and that I have the power to make it happen! xoxo

  2. Would you please tickle me? I need a good laugh, and my Bulldog cannot be counted on to tickle. TACKLE, yes... TICKLE, no.

    So? You up for it? Help a sistah out?? xoxoxO!!!

    And thank you.... Thank you for reminding me my head doesn't always have to be stuck up my ass... that the happiness is OUT HERE... and I have to find that by working on it.

    Love ya.

  3. Sugar-pie, honey-bunch. Do you know that I love you?

    I needed this today. NEEDED!! And I have a different darkness. Don't we all. But, like you, I embraced my dorkness. Openly. Gleefully.

    It doesn't mean we don't have our downy days, but the dorkness & laughter definitely helps the spirits up. It's a beautiful safety net that so many of us need.

  4. You know that right now my heart is worse for wear, but it's a little less so now. Yes, I'm hurt - badly - but it's not the kind of true, bone marrow blistering hurt that I've known before. Not by a long-shot. Thanks for the reminder that it's still okay to laugh. <3

  5. Buwah haha, waah waah. See what I did there? Laughed until I cried! Haha!
    It truly is work to be happy. But it's good work. It's worth it work. I can not sit here and say I've been as dark as you. But it's not a contest. My dark days have been dark. My own. I'm glad I saw them dimming before I went too far down. This is why I medicate (with control and a doctor!) and exercise, and blog, and watch goofy tv, and play with makeup. Yeah, that's what I do!! I hope the new couch fits in your groovy apartment. Hmm, I just thought of something- Sally Boy is going to get cat hair all over that!

  6. Mr. Wonderful and I started laughing in our room a couple of nights ago, so hysterically the kids came to "check on us." I keep wondering what they thought they were walking in on.

  7. I can't laugh at something that has not healed. Without laughter, I may as well give up. It's the laughter that makes it worthwhile.

    Love you!

  8. Thank you so much for reminding me and everyone else of how important this is! You can, with practice and encouragement, learn to just be happy. Just. Be. Happy. Lighten up. Laugh. Decide to be happy--like Lloyd Dobler in my favorite movie says, 'How hard is it to decide to be in a good mood and just be in a good mood once in a while?' It isn't that easy sometimes, but it really isn't that hard! Just. Do. It. Laugh!

  9. Love this!!!! If you can't laugh then you are not living!