So, it's begun to hit me that I have a big life change coming on. Yes, I know, I am a bit slow, but I will be be having babies soon, very soon, and it will mean I will be home for about 5 months with them because apparently babies need their mother for certain things. WHO KNEW? Pfffft.
We women are incredible. We can bring home the facon, fry it up in the pan (well, if I cooked that would be true). I have is an incredible husband who does so much stuff to be helpful and supportive and just always has, like, doing laundry, cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, all that stuff. I'm quite spoiled with him as I never had to ask, he just does all this.
Now, yesterday was my first official WORK FROM HOME day. It's been coming as Boss has said, "cut down your hours and work from home when you can." I am open to it and I feel like I've got the set up, new office chair and fax/copier/scanner all ready to go. Sally Boy and Eliza Jane are both not at all helpful, but they are furry and cute and distracting. So, I will be working at home here and there for the next few weeks.
But the thing is, I was incredibly sad yesterday. Lethargic even. I know this is coming and if one g-d person says I'm ungrateful for these babies coming, so help me......I keep saying my biggest fear in having babies is other moms. So please, if you want to give me shit about expressing this sadness right now when the best thing in the world is really happening with these babies, share your judgement someplace else. This is a judgement free zone.
We women are so many things to so many people, including ourselves. I LOVE my work identity and that I am good at what I do and appreciated. I had 4 people tell me it was so quiet and boring at work yesterday without me. That MADE MY DAY. I celebrate that I am wanted and needed here.
That takes nothing away from how uber excited I am to devote my entire life to these babies for the next several months. I mean, the rest of my life will be devoted to them, but I will have many other parts of my life as well.
- My AA part where I am vital and needed and I SO DESPERATELY NEED AA and all that goes with it.
- My work part as I will of course, keep working - both because I love my work and because we absolutely have to have the money and insurance.
- MY WRITING LIFE! (yes, I'm slowly realizing that I am, in fact, a writer) and after I quit doing the acting thing, it's been a definite creative and healthy outlet for me, I will NOT be giving that up. And the people I've met through writing this blog have truly changed my life for the better. Have no fear, I shall be writing for my sanity and for yours.
- My healthy lifestyle that I worked so hard to get going before getting pregnant. And while I've been pregnant it's been a big part of why I look and feel so good. I aspire to keep that shit up!
So, you will forgive me when I say that I am beginning to mourn my lifestyle without children. And it is OK. When I quit drinking I mourned that lover. When I quit smoking I mourned that lover. I am STILL really mourning that lover. Every damn day. And just like a relationship, major life changes require adjustment periods and loss and gain and everything in between. And it is HEALTHY TO ADMIT THIS SHIT.
My life is going to change. But it certainly is for the better. That is the THING I LOVE THIS THURSDAY. I can be grateful that I have learned to practice the healthy mourning of change in my life. It's nothing to be ashamed of. It is something to celebrate and acknowledge and share with each other. No shame. Only love and appreciation of the moment. In a healthy supportive way. We women need each other. This is no time for judgement. Just love and acceptance of who we are and what we are feeling. I'm so in, are you?