Respect Your Sally Boy

Sitting here at the computer I wait without knowing I'm waiting for a sound.  A sound of jumping in the windowsill and then onto my lap - usually walking across the keyboard first.  But today it's not coming.

My little rescuer and best little friend I've ever had or ever will have.

 Sally Boy is gone. He's gone over the Rainbow Bridge and he is not in any pain anymore.  Friday morning we woke up and it seems he had a stroke or something on top of everything else that was going on health wise with him.  He couldn't open his mouth. HE COULDN'T OPEN HIS LITTLE MOUTH.  Not to drink, not to eat, not to lick and not even to meow.  The right side of his face was so weighed down that he couldn't do it anymore.

And so we knew.  We knew without a doubt that if he cannot open his mouth, he cannot live.  I made the appointment nobody ever wants to make for that evening and DH got home from work early to spend time with his best little friend.  It was the longest saddest day ever.  We were with him as he went and he went so peacefully, he just fell asleep and all the failings of his little body went away.  He was so alive in spirit and yet his body failed him. It's not fair.  IT IS NOT FAIR.  He was still his sweet little self and didn't understand what was happening to him and WE COULDN'T EXPLAIN IT TO HIM. 

Sally Boy got this mug for DH a few years ago, it says, "Sally is my B.F.F."  It's true.

Sally walked into my life in 2002 and that portion of our life was he and I and Eliza Jane Kitty, which was good.

I push around a different type of stroller today, but Sally loved it.

Single gal living in the city with two cats and a cat stroller, see where my life was heading before DH? 

Then we stormed into DH's life in 2007.  DH didn't have to accept us with open arms and more so LOVE US ABSOLUTELY, but he did.  He fell in love with these kitties.  And that portion of our life was UNFUCKINGBELIEVABLE.  And here we are today.  And we have a life BEYOND OUR WILDEST DREAMS with two new babies who got to meet Sally and we have the pictures, so many pictures!

I had the honor of spending the last few weeks Sally Boy as I'm home on maternity leave.  He was sweet with the babies as we knew he would be.  We only wish he could have stayed longer to share with them how amazing his huge spirit was.  But we will tell Sally tales for the rest of our lives and possibly longer.

We got to tell him everything he meant to us and love on him so much but it's never enough.  He was a truly special cat.  People who didn't like cats loved Sally.  People were better for knowing him.  And he picked me.  All those years ago, HE PICKED ME to spend his life with.   Please read the whole story if you haven't yet, you'll be glad you did. 

Talk about feeling all the feelings...this sucks.  This really sucks.  I know the hurt and the devastating pain we feel right now will pass and fade, but Sally's memory never ever will.  He rescued me when I needed rescuing most.  He might think I rescued him, but it was truly the other way around.  And I am such a better, sober person for having known him.

Sally Boy and The Beast

Sally Boy Kitty and The Beast (aka Hall) and the mama without her face on.

WELL WELL WELL.  What have we here?  It's time I tell y'all something that I've been dreading saying out loud to you, but that Dumpster Husband and I have been dealing with accepting for the past few months.  We are losing our boy.  We are losing our dear sweet Sally Boy Kitty.

If you don't know the whole story of this little guy and how he came into my life RIGHT WHEN I NEEDED HIM, please take a moment to read this - Straight from Sally Boy's Big Mouth.

We were in denial for a long time when the vet told us how much weight he was losing a couple years ago and that his kidneys were in trouble.  But then he got on some meds and gained some weight and seemed to be using his 19th life.  But a few months ago, this eye thing stated happening.  You can see it above in the picture with Hall riding him bareback.....he's got a winky eye.  It's related somehow to the kidney thing and we are just doing our best to make sure he is ok and enjoying his life.

We can't be selfish anymore with him. We have to accept that he's been with us for a long time and given us such joy and for that we are so grateful.  Now, we don't have any plans yet to do anything with him, but we are listening and watching so closely to what he is telling us. He's eating a ton and acting so much like himself with his quirks and zest for life that we keep seeing he's ok for a bit longer.

But when that goes away, and we know it will, we will need to do something (please see disclaimer at the end of this post).  On my visits to Best Friends Animal Sanctuary to volunteer, I attended a seminar on Cats and loss and when to say goodbye without holding on or making it worse for your beloved fur babies.  It really changed the way I thought about all the stuff we could do to make them "feel better", when really, that's pretty selfish and more for the humans than for the fur babies a lot of the time, and it's often better to let them go with love.

We aren't there yet, but I wanted you all to know, because Sally Boy is kind of a big deal around these parts.  And he should be.  He helped me stay sober.  He helped me be a better and more responsible person right when I needed him to.  And now, he's being kind and learning about human babies and hopefully around long enough for them to learn about him. In the meantime, he gets lots of delicious wet food and treats and as much love and appreciation as we can give him for everything he's done for us. 



DISCLAIMER -  Please don't write me telling me what we should or shouldn't be doing with him as we feel confident we are doing the right thing by Sally Boy.  Respect, yo. 

Things I Love Thursday - Part 59

I have someone very very close to me who just put someone they love into detox this morning.  This is not earth shattering in that this happens all the time.  People are at the end of their rope and desperate to keep their families together and say they will DO ANYTHING to keep what they have.  DESPERATION and BACKS AGAINST THE WALL are some of recovery's best friends.  OR, it's all bullshit and the people go right back out and drink or use again, like I did several times, before I finally quit drinking for good.

The Thing I Love this Thursday is that I can be there for someone going through all this with a loved one and be compassionate and helpful and just listen.  Just having some perspective about all of this is a blessing.  Usually it takes a good long time before somebody gets to detox or rehab.  There have been many many broken promises, terribly embarrassing occurrences, blackouts, break ups, divorces, custody battles, firings, evictions of the heart and the soul. 

There have been promises, oh how we alcoholics love to make promises.  And it's not even that we don't mean them with all our being at the time, it's just that WE FAIL.  Over and over and over.  WE WILL FAIL.  And yet, we want you to believe us.  To give us just one more chance after we've already exhausted so many chances and thrown them in your face.  We still want you to believe in us and help us just ONE MORE TIME.  It will be different.  I will get better.  I will do it for you.  I will do it for my kids.  I will do it for my family.  I will do it for my boyfriend.  BULLSHIT. 

I know it's bullshit because I have used every single excuse and reason there is to justify that I went out and drank again.  That I hid it in Tupperware containers all over your apartment because I am incredibly shameful and yet, still not ready to quit.  I know it's bullshit because I picked being homeless and penniless and hopeless over a nice warm AA meeting with free coffee.  This only works when we do it for ourselves. When we decide we are enough and we are worthy.

EVERYONE HAS GIVEN UP ON ME.  Everyone has given up on me except for other drunks.  Other drunks extend their hand and say, "I have been where you are and I understand and I will help you up.  AS LONG AS YOU ARE WILLING TO DO ANYTHING TO HELP YOURSELF."

Who could expect our loved ones who we have burned repeatedly for years with our lies and our deception and broken promises to give us more?   And yet, they do, and this person I'm really really close to is beating himself up saying, "I'm an enabler."  Of course you are.  You love this person and the hardest thing to do is to cut off the love and help you think you are giving someone who so desperately needs it.

The thing with us drunks is, we so desperately need help, but until we WANT help?  Nothing makes a lick of difference. 

I'm confident saying I was a big fat liar, cheater, manipulator and all around bad person when I was drinking.  I didn't want to be, but that's what I was.  And as desperately sad and without any hope at all as I was, I still drank and did terrible things to keep up the lies.  BECAUSE I WAS SICK and I didn't take responsibility for anything.   Until I stepped up and OWNED every bad decision I made, I was going to continue to be sick and continue that cycle, hurting everyone who loved me and invested their time, love, energy and resources on me.  It was like a big FUCK YOU to everyone who loved me.

The fact that I CHOOSE HOPE today is a miracle.  And I believe in miracles as I am one.  I shouldn't be here and I know many many others who shouldn't be here either.  If life were fair, we would be dead.  Or at least not nearly as blessed as we are. 

With that in mind, we cannot give up on people who are sick.  But we do have to take care of ourselves first.  You know that whole, "when the oxygen mask comes down, put it on yourself first before you help others?" Yeah, life and dealing with addicts/alcoholics is like that too.  YOU MUST TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF FIRST.  You are no good to anyone if you are completely depleted of resources, love and hope.  Put that oxygen mask on and BREATHE DEEP.  YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE for anyone's sobriety.  ONLY THAT PERSON is responsible.  I promise you.

Nonsense! And Shenanigans! Updates from the Dumpster Household

Y'all know about Grandmama, right? Please check out that post so you know what I'm on about here, and, you'll get to see my favorite part of that post is the comment from Dumpster Husband. 

Sally Boy with Grandmama.  T R O U B L E.

We have loads of fun in the Dumpster household, mainly because my dear sweet Dumpster Husband (DH) is so damn funny.  And this is all years before any munchkins come along, can you EVEN IMAGINE?

We do voices you see.  Which is not uncommon.  We do voices and personalities for our kitties of course, but the Grandmama thing is just a bit over the line of awesome.  And then of course we are diving into voices for the wee babes now too.  I can't tell you who does what voice exactly because we both do them all.  You enter our apartment and it just happens.  Sometimes it happens when we aren't even at home, but we are just talking for all of them.  Sometimes people get caught up in the nonsense and wind up talking back with them.  Don't blame us, it just happens.  If you've been in our place and participated in this nonsense, you know I'm talking about YOU.  And I love you for it.  AND a bunch of you here and on the Facebook page have participated in these shenanigans, SO DON'T YOU JUDGE ME.  You love it. 

Between Eliza Jane Doolittle, Sally Boy Kitty and Grandmama, we have a full house of lunatics.  My sister in law lovingly tells us, wide eyed and open mouthed, that our kids are going to be the WEIRDEST.   And then we laugh and laugh because we all know it's true.  In the most wonderful way.

Grandmama is of course, more brutal than ever in that I'm doubly knocked up and not even naturally as the good lord would want it but by the DEVIL SCIENCE and hope and love!  Not by accident like it used to be in her day, by force even, but I ACTUALLY WANTED TO GET PREGNANT like a harlot or a jezebel or a damn hussy.  LEGS IN STIRRUPS!  Medical devices!  The word INSERT was used repeatedly!  HEAVING BOSOMS EVERYWHERE!   Grandmama is horrified.  So, she stays locked in the jewelry box lately until she can open her mind a bit more and be more accepting, which we all know isn't going to happen.  I hear Sally Boy and she still do have their standing tea parties but he is really the only one who dresses up these days, and now he's really dressing up in baby clothes since those are just sitting around the bedroom WAITING TO BE WORN for gods sake. 

And now with me being doubly pregnant and TWO babies (Hall & Oates) eating my brain power - which I'm pretty sure uses up about 84% of my meager powers to begin with, things are really fun. 

Example from this morning as we're running out the door to catch the train:
*we have street cleaning in Chicago, and since we all park on the streets, they put up signs as to which day you have to be NOT PARKED on that side of the street so the sweepers can come through, Today our car is fine, but tomorrow, we have to have the car moved to the other side than it's on now and if you do it late tonight it will be a bitch to find a spot* Got all that?

DH: "It's gonna suck that we get home late and I will have to scramble to move the car."
Katy: "Can you do it now?"
DH: *silence for a moment* "Well, no, because we have to have it off this side for today's street cleaning."
Eliza: "Why did you marry such a dumb ass, sir? I've never heard such nonsense. You're better than that, sir."
Katy: "Thanks for your support, Eliza. I appreciate that coming from the kitty I rescued."
Sally Boy *yelling from the other room*: "Why don't you just move the car now?"
Katy: "That's my boy.  Thanks Sayee."

Are you getting the picture? Eliza is on Team DH, even though I rescued her 16 years ago and DH only met her about 5 years ago THEY ARE IN LUUUURRRRVE.  Sayee is USUALLY on Team Katy, but it really could go either way as he's a pretty easy little guy to get along with, but also he's not that bright.

We have a box in our place right now, like a delivery box from eBay or something that Sally Boy runs in and runs around in circles like a fookin' idiot and then walks out of all calm and cool like nothing happened.  DH named this box Idiot City.  Sally is a the Mayor of Idiot City.  He will soon have to run for re-election.  Would you vote for Sally?

In closing I will tell you that we have an Infant CPR class to attend tonight.  I'm pretty sure we will either get thrown out and banished from babydom forever, and we may be asked to hand our babies over upon delivery. OR we will rock that shit. If there is a doll involved, there WILL be trouble.  It's the doing it together and having fun doing it that I cherish the most.  All of it.  The terrifying and the hysterical.  The terrifyingly hysterical?  Anyway, the partner in life and appreciating that you've found who you are supposed to be doing life with is truly something I never thought I would have.  It all goes back to hope and gratitude and fun.  Always. 

Straight from Sally Boy's Big Mouth

He's a boy.  His name is Sally.  Sally Lou Kitty, or Sally Boy or Sayee as we pronounce it. 

Kitty Yoga.

He is a total goof.  He is super sweet, but love bites and licks.  It's his thing.  He runs around and cries like a baby, LOUDLY, when he has to poop.  I will never forget the first time my now husband was at my place when we started dating and he met the cats for the first time.  I heard Sally running around crying all loud and I just started laughing, and said, "It's what he does when he has to poop.  It's the poopin' cry."  Chris just laughed and laughed.  I knew he was good.  Sally's like the ambassador of cats.  He is way more like a dog than a cat.  I don't think he knows he is a cat.  Even people who don't like cats usually like him.   He's got some issues.  Who doesn't?

Here's the story.

I got sober in October of 2001.  I lived in rehab and a women's halfway house for 6 months after that, so around July of 2002, I returned to Chicago.  No job and just trying to stay sober, I spent my time outside in the backyard reading and going to meetings. 

One afternoon an orange tabby came into the yard and unlike most stray cats in the area, he came right up to me meowing.  LOUDLY.  Not only that, he jumped right into my lap and started drinking my iced tea!

Here's the thing.  Where I was living at the time, we already had three cats.  My lovely Eliza Jane Doolittle being one:

So, day after day this orange cat would wander into the yard and sit on my lap and read with me.  I wandered around the neighborhood asking if this was anyone's cat.  I put up signs.  He looked super healthy and talked so damn much, I knew he had a lot to tell me.  But he also seemed so friendly, that I thought for sure someone had to be missing him.  I fed and watered him and he just kept coming back. 

One day though, everything changed.  He showed up, jumped in my lap and I was petting him only to find a penny sized hole in his chest.  It was shocking!  I cleaned him up and put an ace bandage around his chest and we were done for the day.  I sincerely kept thinking he had to be someone's cat.  The next day he came back and the bandage was all askew and the hole was there, gaping, looking at me.  If I didn't take care of this, who knew what would happen. 

I convinced the guy I was living with that we needed to take him to the vet.  And as a side note, if I took him to the vet, we were taking him in.  I had looked long enough for someone to claim him and nobody did.  This was the last straw. 

We went to the vet and turns out SOMEONE HAD SHOT HIM WITH A BB GUN.  My poor, loud, obnoxious, overly friendly and super needy boy had been shot.  The vet got him all patched up, put on antibiotics and sent us on our way.  He told me that I had brought him in at just the right time, as infection was setting in and had nothing been done, he would have died. 

If you ever meet Sally or have met him, you know he loves to talk about being shot. He acts like he's all gangsta and shit about it. He says something like, "Dudes, I lived on the streets and I got shot. Hey dudes, did you know I got shot?" We have heard these tales over and over. I have to remind him that I was there. He is the sissiest little guy, but he apparently did live on the streets in the city and he was shot. So there you go.


My Sally Boy.  Who I thought was a girl when I took him to the vet, turned out to be a boy.  As sissy like as he is, he survived being shot by some punks I would love to get my hands on.  He came to me for help.  He found me when I was newly sober and needed him most.  To say we have a bond is silly to some, I know.  But we helped each other. 

We have a happy little family today, as my dear Dumpster Husband fell for Sally and Eliza immediately.  I'm so grateful that we never had to deal with him not loving my cats.  They are his now too.  Eliza and he have a relationship that makes me jealous sometimes.  They are in LURVE.  I like to think Sally is my boy, when in all truth, he would love anybody who showed him attention.  So I live in denial.  Which is just fine with me. 

Second Chances

This is a Love Story.

And it's a little sappy, just fair warning.  I know, I'm shocked as well.

It started as a college romance.  Chris and I were in theatre school together and met doing a show.  I attacked - I mean pursued - him and wouldn't let him get away.  Only problem was I was in a relationship with someone at the time.  Chris said "no way, not until you break up with that guy".  The next day I said, "OK that's done, now what?"

We had the kind of intense love that 20 and 21 year olds do.  This was a note I left on his car back in 1995.  That HE kept.  I liked owls from way back.  Little nicknames (and "a owl" sounds cuter than "an owl") left in the same handwriting I have now freaks me out and also makes me smile.  It resides on our refrigerator now. 

Also, a Christopher when he was young is about the cutest thing ever.  You know how when you look at the man in your life and can just see the little boy?  Is there anything sweeter?  Chris has a childlike excitement for life and nostalgia that has completely infected me.  I am not sentimental or nostalgic really (partly due to the fact that I can't remember anything) but I am with him because he lets me be.

Now back to 1995. 

My family went to Cape Cod every year for a few weeks.  And Chris came with us that year.  My family has long referred to that trip as the WORST.  To say Chris and my dad didn't get along, well, that's too simple.  There was a power struggle and my dad didn't handle it well.  Chris was an asshole on that trip and so was my dad and I was completely stuck in the middle.  It was awful.  

Here we are circa 1995:

Chris and I, my parents and yes, my brother and his amazing wife (back then just kids in school).

After a year long relationship, we broke up in 1996.  I am a year older and graduated and was working as a singing server during the day and acting in the city at night while Chris was still at school.  I got extremely jealous and couldn't handle it.  I became obsessed and made him miserable with my behavior.  He in turn made me miserable and acted out as 21 year olds will do.  I will spare all the gross details, but it ended very badly. 

Chris and I both went on about our lives and didn't have any contact.  Whenever I thought of him, I was crushed and angry.  It was the relationship that had the most impact in my life. 

The quick version is I got married, became a drunk, got divorced, lost jobs, got evicted, got sober and got into other relationships and then ran outta that last relationship at the end of 2006.  Literally, ran out of the house and got my own place and was single for the first time pretty much ever. 

Chris was in relationships and even engaged at one point. He did his own version of growing up and battling some demons. 

I knew I needed to be on my own and date. Which terrified me. Nothing has scared me more than "dating".

What does one do when one doesn't go to bars to meet guys?  Why online dating of course.  So, it's 2007 and I joined Match.com.  And I was super proud of my profile and paid my $100. for a year membership and all that business.  And actually met a couple nice guys and went on a couple dates.  And it didn't kill me.  It almost did though. 

 

Then one Friday in March of 2007 I was sitting right where I am at this moment.  At my desk at work looking at my computer when an email comes in to my work email address from Chris.  I'm getting anxious just thinking about it.  I broke out in a sweat.  I got jumpy and nervous and excited and terrified all at once.

 

The email was basically this, "hey this is going to sound weird, but I was on a MSN web page and they have a "look who's new on Match.com" ad and your picture was on there and it made me want to see how you were doing".

 

I remember looking at my boss who was in that day (rare for a Friday) and projectile vomiting on him.  I can't say whether that really happened, the projectile vomiting part, but that's how I remember it.

 

I went outside to smoke as I would do at that time, and thought about how to respond.  Came back inside and basically went Super-Awkward-Aggressive-Tryingtoplayitcool Girl on his ass.  I mean, we must have exchanged 20 emails that first day.  And it was wonderful.  It was as if our best versions of ourselves met up years after our immature versions were all grown up and we could handle it now.

 

He didn't even flinch when of course I over shared and told him everything.  And yet he still asked if I wanted to get dinner and catch up.  Which we did the very next day. And of course I spent the night.  Chris and I never had any problems with chemistry, it was the emotional side of things we needed growth in.  Each of us, on our own.  And after 12 years, we had both gotten that growth we so desperately needed and were able to connect on a higher plane.  And also, he was really hot.

 

Now, the first time we met up with my parents after all this time is another projectile vomit story as well.  But now, well, my dad thinks Chris is his BFF and they both know how good we are together and tell us quite often that they see how happy Chris makes me.  And they are absolutely right.

 

Needless to say, that Match.com membership bit the dust along with my payment for one year. But it worked for me now didn't it? I would even say it worked way better than for most.

One of my all time favorite pictures.

We got married in May of 2009 in Las Vegas and it was perfect.  Please take a look at our finery here.    

I am a lucky girl. I believe in second chances.  Not only did I get a second chance at life by getting sober, but we got a second chance at true love.  And I am so very grateful for my Christopher.  He is brilliant in many ways and in ways he is not, I am.  I actually respect him.  He is the funniest person I know.  Which I've said many times, is just about the best thing in a relationship.  He is kind and compassionate and he is on my side and I am on his.  To have that is the best feeling in the world.  Not in a million years would I have expected this to be my life.

I truly have a life beyond my wildest dreams today.  The only thing that would make it richer is a baby.  And we will get there.  Even if we don't, we have so much love in our home that we will be better than fine. We are happy. 

Things I Love Thursday - Part 9.5

My Lynnie

This gorgeous redhead is my Lynnie.  She is my dearest friend.  WE are not investigators.  Calm down.

We are like the Laverne and Shirley of animal shit.  And everything else.  She's the gal I go to Best Friends Animal Sanctuary with.  She is the ONLY human besides Dumpster Husband that I could go on vacation with and not murder.  So get used to her ugly mug; you will see a lot more pics of her coming up here..a couple from last time.

Isn't she cute?

It's her birthday today.  She hates birthdays almost as much as I do. 

So, for you my Lovely Lynnie.  Happy Birthday. 

Also, when I flew off the treadmill into the wall the other night, it was at her house. 

She didn't even bat an eyelid, just asked are you ok and then we carried on. 

She knows and loves me that much. SHE GETS MY CRAZY ASS. 

And she's not even a drunk. 

How about that?

We met at exactly the right moment and connected on a level that almost never happens. 

We are both Virgos.  It goes so much deeper than that, but I promised I wouldn't get all sappy.

I am so grateful for her.

Things I Love Thursday - Part 3

Short and Sweet.

Whales. 

I will not explain to you why whales are so very awesome (I use this word way too often, but here it is apt).

My family grew up going to Cape Cod every summer and I have been on many

Whale Watches out of Provincetown. 

The visions of those Humpbacks and babies is something that has stuck with me and will forever. 

There's a certain freak show aspect about these watches,  in exploiting these majestic creatures the way zoos, circuses and rodeos do.  My stance these days is just leave animals alone to do their thing. 

If they are hurt and we can help in any way, we should.  They are not ours to exploit for our entertainment. 

As a human and an animal activist, I need to speak up and help those who have no voice.

Watch this video and tell me how much you cry and get chills. 

In a very good way. 

I want to make out with these dudes in all their speedoed glory.

There is nothing violent or gruesome about this video except the net this docile creature was trapped in. 

All my animal friends, you can watch this with no fear. 

OK, Discuss the pure joy.