|This is a picture from last year's Cycle for Survival event, but it's the only picture I have of me spinning, so, "Woo"!|
I first wrote about my gym experience a while ago here - please take a minute to read, it's quick and funny and gives background to where we are today.
Now, I am not a person who loves exercise. I hate it. If left to my own devices I will pick couch time over physical exertion every damn time. Just like drinking and smoking are in my nature, sloth is in my nature as well. By all accounts, I SHOULD be drinking and smoking right now, BUT I AM NOT. Because we CAN change our behaviors if we work at it.
Last night I didn't WANT to go to spinning necessarily, but I went. I pumped and fed babies before I left and strapped the girls in with my most powerful sports bra, and I jumped on the train and I left. AND I WAS SCARED. Because I am scared of everything. But I walk through the fear today. I haven't been spinning in months and months. I was pregnant you know, I am not sure if you heard. I kept up my gym membership the whole time because I KNEW I WOULD BE BACK. I wasn't spinning for a long time. And this HOUSE OF PAIN is a bitch. It ain't a leisurely bike ride round the park if you catch my drift. You are up and down and back and forth and killing yourself for 50 minutes in there and it HURTS. But dammit if I didn't do the whole class and do it hard even though my instructor said, "Katy just had twins so she's the only one exempt from jumping in and out of the saddle!".....I did it anyway.
Because I'm stubborn and needed to prove to myself that I could do it after all this time. You see, a couple years ago, I weighed almost 200 pounds and lost a lot of weight through changing my diet and exercise. Spinning was a big part of that. I wanted to get in shape BEFORE I got pregnant, if I ever were to be lucky enough to be pregnant, so that I could bounce back into shape after having a baby or two.
That's what I did. I now have about 15 pounds to lose before I'm back at pre-baby weight and spinning is going to help me get there. It's pure vanity but also health reasons that I do this. I am almost 40 and I JUST HAD TWINS. What in the sam hill was I thinking? Oh girl, I'm gonna be around to be with these babies and I'm going to be healthy. This clean living IS FOR SUCKERS. And I am a sucker for sure. A happy one. A by product of clean living is looking kinda hot. And yes, I want that. No lie.
So, there are several things at play here. I just had babies and I feel a bit down about myself sometimes. What I would do if I live purely by what's in my nature, I would drink and smoke and not work and not take responsibility and self destruct because I don't like myself very much at that moment - not believing that the moment would pass. BUT, if I practice new behaviors and believe that the moment will pass, I take responsibility and work my program and eat right and resist that smoke and drink and exercise a bit, I get ALL THE THINGS! I get the life beyond my wildest dreams. I get the mental and emotional and physical bliss that comes with working hard to be healthy. We always say, it ain't easy, but it is so worth it. I don't want to do any of these healthy things by nature. I DO NOT WANT TO DO IT. But I do. Because it is the best thing for me and for my family.
It was the first time in over a year, that I felt like my body BELONGED TO ME. Not to science and not to babies and not to my demons. And if that sounds selfish, then yes, I'm selfish. I needed that feeling. I desperately needed to feel connected to my body and in that way to my soul as a woman who has her own needs and wants and feelings without being attached to another being.
Today, I am a drunk who is not drinking, a smoker who is not smoking and a sloth-like creature who is practicing moving around more. It's that simple. One day at a time, we can change our behaviors. AND WE CAN BE AWESOME TODAY!
Can I get a WOO!?
Girl, you rooooool.ReplyDelete
I love this, as a fellow sloth-by-nature...:)ReplyDelete
I love you! You just described me to a T except I do the whole self destruct thing. One day ZI hope to be like YOU!! Jerri LynnReplyDelete
I totally Heart you!! No, really!! Just so you know... your "stuff" has helped me with my "stuff". My "stuff" may be different but it's still "stuff". I've changed my diet (sorry, I do still eat animals, but organic ones, better?) but I've limited what I eat and I exercise... Because I WANT to be able to walk in 10, 20 whatever more years! Thanks for stories like THIS! <3ReplyDelete
Woo! For sure...thanks! I needed some inspiration, as I am, for certain, a sloth...can't seem to get back into the whole work-out thing...I am an instant gratification person, sadly, and when I don't see the results I want to see, I see no point in continuing...I see myself in so many things you say...am also a "late-life" mother of twins (boys) who are now 19...they are away at college, and I think I have lost who I am...my "who I am" is now "who I was" and it's very hard to re-define yourself at 54....please keep writing...you are an inspiration!ReplyDelete
I love you so much, Katy-girl! Please keep doing what you do. This post is so inspirational! I know I needed this...and our news was talking about getting fit & have been playing the Rocky theme song & Chariots of Fire in the background as I read this post.ReplyDelete
Thank you for this. Thank you for you. You are doing awesomely amazing...and I am so proud of YOU!
Hugs & Loves & Muwahs & Stuffs! <3
The idea that the moment will pass - that is a powerful realization. One I need to remember. I have been so stuck lately. You inspire and motivate me to choose the positive, even when I'm afraid. ESPECIALLY when I'm afraid. I cannot thank you enough. I LOVE YOU, KATY!!!!ReplyDelete
Woot Woot! I am too cool for woo-ing also, but you bring this out in me. You inspire me to be better with every blog.ReplyDelete
Thanks again, Katy, for offering up your special brand of wisdom and motivating me once more! Time to get this baby ready and hit the gym. It's good for me and good for him, too! I hope your precious little ones grow up to appreciate the wonderful human being that is their mama - and hopefully they grow up to be just like YOU! <3ReplyDelete
Woo-fricken-hoo! So glad I stumbled onto this blog and so very glad to know there are other slothish people out there trying to do the deal. Keep on woo-ing :)ReplyDelete
You should write a book....a funny book about your journey and sobriety...I am currently finishing my degree in chemical dependency counseling, and I am telling you, you have a knack for saying things in a way that is different ,and I think would ring true with a lot of people....it is essentially what you are doing here...just formatted. and you are fucking hysterical.....exuse my french lol....The way you relate and convey how you see actions=consequences is really fresh and would resonate with a lot of people....just saying . you got this girl....so now when you get some spare time (hahahaha) you have a project!!! love this blog!ReplyDelete
I SO needed to read this today.ReplyDelete
Holy smokes, I thought this was just going to be about spinning class but I am totally in tears. That was beautiful and so inspiring. I have all of those same things in my nature, just to different extremes. The only one I have left to battle is my weight, and it's a lot. And it's caused a really serious condition which makes it even harder to do anything about it. And that has caused depression. It's like you just spoke to my soul. It's time to reclaim my body. Wow. Thank you. Seriously. So much.ReplyDelete
WOO! Ya badass you! Keep it up!!ReplyDelete
You are an inspiration. It was so difficult to get back on the bandwagon after having a singleton... and you had TWINS. You look AMAZING. And you're rocking this changing your habits thing.ReplyDelete
Hearing you put it as "taking back your body" really puts things in perspective. Sure, I haven't carried twins, but I'm a slave to eating what I want and not exercising. It's a great positive thought to start a new pattern!ReplyDelete
WOOOO!!!! Ok, I am not a drinker who doesn't drink, but I am a smoker who doesn't smoke (who wants to daily I may add)and I admit I am a sloth as well. I would much rather sit and watch TV and be on my computer then do any sort of activity. I started a weight loss journey this January and have lost 21 lbs in 3 months by eating right and moving my ass. I took a spinning class for the 1st time last week, and I gave it a huge high 5. I loved it and am going back for more torture, as I call it, I think I have found my exersise of choice. I hate walking, although the dog sure loves it, so I guess I will continue for her once the spring comes (MN winters suck), running sucks, yoga, too quiet, but spinning... Yes!!!! WOOOO FREAKING HOOO!!!! And a spinning studio just opened a block from my house! It was a sign from the Gods above :) Thank you so much Katy for your openess your as so AWESOME!ReplyDelete
*dying* @ "sloth like creature" LMAO thats what I always say I feel like :)ReplyDelete
I don't know if I want you as a best friend or a sponsor!ReplyDelete
Just the motivation I needed before head to my spin class tonight! Feeling ALL the feelings today! WOOOO! Let's ride!ReplyDelete
Just what I needed today. Today was a great day. and this topped it off. You rock. I too am a sloth by nature and I needed a swift kick in the tush to kick start me. My twins are two (i gained 100lbs with those two) and I still have 40lbs to lose. U inspire me in so many ways. Thank. You.ReplyDelete
Good for you! I still can't SIT on one of those spin bike seats...I'm afraid my pelvis is forever not mine and belongs to baby grouch. Maybe i could bring my own padded seat, though.ReplyDelete
Wooooo!!! Your post is so inspirational! Please keep doing what you do. I used to take spin 3 or 4 times a week and I LOVED it too.. Btw, your smile is so cute Katy!ReplyDelete
Thank you for your post! I also don't like to exercise, I always play computer games or watching TV, but because of my body is more and more fat, now decided to start the exercise to lose weight, I'm going to attend a spinning class...ReplyDelete