Do You "Woo"?

I am not, by nature, a "woo-er".  You see, in THE HOUSE OF PAIN (the stationary bike spinning class I take), we "WOO".  Because our teacher is awesome and gets us freaking pumped up and we "woo".  As I said, I am NOT, by nature, a "woo-er".

This is a picture from last year's Cycle for Survival event, but it's the only picture I have of me spinning, so, "Woo"!

But last night, at the gym, I "woo-ed".  I "woo-ed" loudly and I "woo-ed" softly; I "woo-ed" solo and I "woo-ed" with the group and I EVEN "woo-ed" on command, which is something I don't do - like - ever.  DO SOMETHING I AM TOLD TO DO, ON COMMAND?  Um, no.  I am WAY TOO COOL for that shit. 

I first wrote about my gym experience a while ago here - please take a minute to read, it's quick and funny and gives background to where we are today.

Now, I am not a person who loves exercise.  I hate it.  If left to my own devices I will pick couch time over physical exertion every damn time.  Just like drinking and smoking are in my nature, sloth is in my nature as well.  By all accounts, I SHOULD be drinking and smoking right now, BUT I AM NOT.   Because we CAN change our behaviors if we work at it.

Last night I didn't WANT to go to spinning necessarily, but I went.  I pumped and fed babies before I left and strapped the girls in with my most powerful sports bra, and I jumped on the train and I left.  AND I WAS SCARED.  Because I am scared of everything.  But I walk through the fear today.  I haven't been spinning in months and months.  I was pregnant you know, I am not sure if you heard.  I kept up my gym membership the whole time because I KNEW I WOULD BE BACK.  I wasn't spinning for a long time.  And this HOUSE OF PAIN is a bitch.  It ain't a leisurely bike ride round the park if you catch my drift.  You are up and down and back and forth and killing yourself for 50 minutes in there and it HURTS.  But dammit if I didn't do the whole class and do it hard even though my instructor said, "Katy just had twins so she's the only one exempt from jumping in and out of the saddle!".....I did it anyway. 

Because I'm stubborn and needed to prove to myself that I could do it after all this time.  You see, a couple years ago, I weighed almost 200 pounds and lost a lot of weight through changing my diet and exercise.  Spinning was a big part of that.  I wanted to get in shape BEFORE I got pregnant, if I ever were to be lucky enough to be pregnant, so that I could bounce back into shape after having a baby or two. 

That's what I did.  I now have about 15 pounds to lose before I'm back at pre-baby weight and spinning is going to help me get there.  It's pure vanity but also health reasons that I do this.  I am almost 40 and I JUST HAD TWINS.  What in the sam hill was I thinking?  Oh girl, I'm gonna be around to be with these babies and I'm going to be healthy.  This clean living IS FOR SUCKERS.  And I am a sucker for sure.  A happy one.  A by product of clean living is looking kinda hot.  And yes, I want that.  No lie. 

So, there are several things at play here.  I just had babies and I feel a bit down about myself sometimes.  What I would do if I live purely by what's in my nature, I would drink and smoke and not work and not take responsibility and self destruct because I don't like myself very much at that moment - not believing that the moment would pass.  BUT, if I practice new behaviors and believe that the moment will pass, I take responsibility and work my program and eat right and resist that smoke and drink and exercise a bit, I get ALL THE THINGS!  I get the life beyond my wildest dreams. I get the mental and emotional and physical bliss that comes with working hard to be healthy.  We always say, it ain't easy, but it is so worth it.  I don't want to do any of these healthy things by nature.  I DO NOT WANT TO DO IT.  But I do.  Because it is the best thing for me and for my family.

It was the first time in over a year, that I felt like my body BELONGED TO ME.  Not to science and not to babies and not to my demons.  And if that sounds selfish, then yes, I'm selfish.  I needed that feeling.  I desperately needed to feel connected to my body and in that way to my soul as a woman who has her own needs and wants and feelings without being attached to another being.

Today, I am a drunk who is not drinking, a smoker who is not smoking and a sloth-like creature who is practicing moving around more.  It's that simple.  One day at a time, we can change our behaviors.  AND WE CAN BE AWESOME TODAY!

Can I get a WOO!?

WOO!

I am a Fancy Pants Big Shot

Look at this nonsense. 

that girl right there is a big shot. She makes all kinds of important things happen with important people.  Mostly though, she makes an important but happy fool of herself.  Blurrily.  OH EM GEE.  FANCY BATHROOM SHOT.

I've been living large for two days at a conference of Global Leaders that my boss leads.  He's a really big shot,  I'm just a normal sized big shot. 

We are here:

GENTLY SPARKLING water.  I can't even begin to tell you how much that full on sparkling water grinds my gears.

The Peninsula Chicago.  It's a super fancy schmancy hotel in the city. 

Now, I grew up having nice things and my dad worked really hard in order to take us on nice vacations and we stayed in fancy places and ate in fancy restaurants and we got to experience a lot of really high class stuff, for which I'm grateful.

HOWEVER,  when I became a classy drunk, I became homeless and desperate and lived in a public park for the better part of a year.  So I feel safe in saying that I've lived the extremes.  I know we had more than most growing up.  I also know I had less than nothing as an adult, and now am somewhere in the middle where I am more than comfortable, and so grateful for everything I have.   I talk about gratitude a lot. Because I never take any of my life for granted.  Not for one second.  

BACK TO BEING A BIG SHOT.

ahem ahem ahem.

I have had a team of 5 people waiting hand and foot on my ass for 2 days.  There is one dude, who literally hustles up these stairs at least 3 times an hour.  He is constantly sweating.  He is awesome.  He says, "I love my job!"  with a big grin on his face every time he gets to the top of the stairs as he looks at me and the least I can do is give him a big grin back.  

The guys here at the meeting are all big shots in their particular part of the world, and we are kind of like my favorite ride, IT'S A SMALL WORLD AFTER ALL ride.  Did I ever tell you about the time I saw Sir Paul McCartney on that ride?  I did?  Oh well, never mind then. 

I love my job, that is no secret.  I love my boss.  That is the key.  But some of these other dudes are fascinating.  I watch them come out each break to get on their phones, run down the stairs and pace back and forth to make their important calls, some in other languages and all very very URGENT. 

My boss comes out and chats with me and has some of my macadamia nuts here on my little desk the entire time.  DAMN YOU MACADAMIA NUTS AND YOUR DELICIOUSNESS DAMN YOU STRAIGHT TO HELL.

and these chocolate rock candies:

that are EVERYWHERE.

These guys at this meeting infuriate me and make me sad at the same time.  I have a soft spot for them because my dad was a business man who travelled all the time and worked really really hard to provide such a good life for his family.  But he was rarely home.  And I see these guys doing the same thing.  Some are so sweet and crazy about their kids, it melts your heart.  They want to show me pictures and tell me all about soccer and mathletics and Jimmy getting his driver's license.  Other guys are just all business.  They don't have a chink in their armor.  I can respect that.  I am that way a lot of the time too.  I don't show my cards.  If someone sees my phone with the picture of Eliza and Sally and a Christopher on it, I don't give away that they are my most favoritest creatures on the planet.  I almost don't give away how fucking desperate we are to have a baby because everyone asks and then it gets uncomfortable. I don't give away that I drink diet coke with lime instead of wine at dinner like everyone else in the room.  That I walk out to the ladies room and suck on my ecig for a moment of grace and sanity and serenity among the craziness that is just another dinner for most of them.  I guess what it comes down to is I love my job, but I am not OF my job. 

I have learned much in my 10 years here.  I don't have to fight every battle. I wrote about that here.

I can appreciate and see these people for more than what they project as an image.  My husband would say I probably give them more credit than they deserve, and maybe I do, but life is a lot easier that way.  And isn't that the goal?  Life is hard enough.  We can all cut each other a break.  Sigh.  Can you feel that?  Maybe it's all the pampering and delicious food I've eaten the past two days, but damn, it feels good to be a gangsta.  Wait.  What I mean is it feels good to just go through my days lately without the anxiety and the justified anger I used to carry around like a lead weight.  Without the need for the constant defending of myself and what I think you need to know about me.  To just exist feels pretty damn liberating.  To feel confident about who I am and the work I do is gratifying.  I've worked hard to get here.  Yeah sure, FIGHT THE POWER and DOWN WITH THE CORPORATIONS and all that, but really?  Thank you for my job and my paycheck and my benefits.  I don't need to fight this anymore.  It is so much more gratifying to accept it and be thankful for all I have been given.

All of this is to say, I am no big shot.  I don't want to be a big shot. It tickles me to say I'm a big shot because I am a tiny little cog in the machine.  And that suits me just fine today. 

I save my fabulousness for my real life. 

Things I Love Thursday - Part 17

It's about damn time I post about Divers.  Divers are what I affectionately call friends of the blog and the Facebook page.  As in Dumpster Divers, we all clear?

Now, when I started the blog I had no idea about linking it to a facebook page - which was started roughly August 15th, now with 2,699 fans as of right this second -  but once a couple people (Namely Nikki at Moms who Drink and Swear) shared it with fb land it was apparent I had to do something otherwise all you weirdos would be looking for me on my personal page, and we can't have that now can we?

Truly?  I annoy the fuck out of some of my personal fb friends.  On the IWADB page I can play and play and you Divers actually appreciate it.  THAT is gold my friends.  You saw this post about being  Slightly Awkward, right? 

You see, this

is your humble narrator. 

And while this is cute in a "sit in your high chair and I will give you dry spaghetti to eat while I cut your hair kind of way" - thanks mom! It soon gave way to this:

Which is the 1980's 6th grade version of hell.  You need further proof? 

This was my posse:

Have you ever in your life seen such explosive awesomeness?  I know, you are all humbled right now because you thought you could out-awkward ME.  Think again bitches. 

Want more?  OK, one more. 

There.  8th grade majesticness right here.  Complete with the half heart of my bff necklace. 

To combat my awkwardness I write and I post funny and meaningful-to-me shit that you seem to respond to Dear Divers.  !Awkwardamo! (super hero name?) never got better, I just drank through it and now emerge on the other side more awkward than ever, I just look hotter so it doesn't show it as much. 

So, today, this very special TILT is for you, the Divers who make my days brighter and more fun.  I don't feel so awkward around you all from behind my computer.  Sincerely and from the bottom of my cold, dead black heart, I thank you for reading and for playing along when I'm funny and for lending an ear and a hearty "you can do it and we love you" when I'm vulnerable.  I've met some great people and admins and found many new blogs that keep me steadily laughing and finding new ways to be grateful at the same time.

Some are drunk, some are sober, some are mommies,  some are babies (stop yelling at me baby!), some are perverts, some are vegans, some are daddies, some are baconfuckers, some are just here for the eye candy and some are just here for the Funny Friday Fotos.  All valid and encouraged reasons to play along with me. 

I've had a few people who I've banned to the far corners of the earth, but for the most part you are all lovely and funny people who I've enjoyed getting to know immensely.  Thank you for a great 3 months so far Divers! 

And to those of you who come and read and share the blog, well you get a very special lick on the face.  I adore you loyal readers and commenters most of all.  It's the reason for the FB page and also, the reason it's so fun to write this blog.  I will keep doing it and hope you will keep reading and sharing.

And for fun I give you one of the best little scenes I've seen in a long time. Enjoy the funny!