Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Myth, Myth! Yes.

I'm here to dispel some myths.  About me or other humans who may have the same tendencies as I do.  I want to share some pretty blatant stereotyping that people love to engage in with me.  It's funny a lot of the time, and I partake in making fun of myself a good deal.  Which is all fine and good until it goes too far and people just act like jackholes about it and the proverbial straw is broken. 

This one grinds my gears lately.  I had nothing to do with the way I was born or who I was born to.  I had no call on my genetics.  I look this way.  It doesn't define me as boring.  I'm a pretty girl.  So what.  Get over it.  It's about the least interesting thing about me.  It's sometimes a character defect.  I hear women especially say all the time, "pretty girls don't have a personality" or "pretty girls just rely on their looks and they don't develop other facets".  I call bullshit.  If you have read me or know me, you know I am so much more than a pretty face.  I resent the fact that women who think of themselves as less than pretty - and who the hell can say what that even means - get to bash me because I look like I do.  So, if women (in their own words) who think they aren't pretty get to be funny and smart to make up for it, then what, am I just shit out of luck because of my looks?  I don't accept that.  I strive for way more.   And all you pretty girls out there that think you have it made, you lose.  You will have nothing one day soon if that's all you have. 

I've been Vegetarian since I was 18.  That means I've had 20 years of people giving me shit for MY OWN CHOICE.  Seriously, why does it make people so angry that I - NOT YOU -  choose to not eat flesh?  I cannot tell you how many people want to spar with me about this.  After 20 years, I still don't get it.  Again, I don't tell you how to eat, why don't you not worry about what I'm eating.  This is a stereotype for a reason, and there are a lot of militant Vegetarians and Vegans out there who will be dicks and never make a good impression.  I am not one of these people.  I love animals.  I cannot eat them because I love them so much.  Done, the end, finished.  You don't need to be so aggressive with me because I skipped the turkey and drink almond milk.  And never said one word about it, I might add.  People are afraid of what they don't know I guess, and I'm open to talking about it, but with all the aggression directed my way over the years, I'm wary.  But I will talk if you calmly ask me about it.

Ah yes.  Here we are.  Katy is sober and therefore, she will judge me for drinking too much.  NOT TRUE.  Again, if you hang out with me at all or read me, you know that I encourage drinking by people who can handle it.  My husband drinks.  My husband eats meat.  And he will be the first to tell you I have never once tried to alter either of these aspects of him.  If you drink, great!  Have some for me.  I can't do it.  Anything you feel about me being sober is about you.  It's not me giving you any kind of vibe about it.  Deal.  Also, I'm way funnier and sharper sober than I ever was drinking. So today, I have the best time sober. Which means WE have the best time when I'm sober.  You're welcome.  It's only a big deal if you make it a big deal. 

Ok, first of all, I am a bright shade of blonde.  I play a dumb blonde.   I get to surprise people all the time with my depth and my brain.  Seriously, people are shocked.  It works to my advantage.  Now, I know I am ditsy and spazzy and tend to be a bit daft, but truly, hair color does not determine brain quality any more than wearing spectacles does.  That just means you have bad eyesight.  Thanks genes!  And I do wear glasses too.  So, suck it. 

Have we cleared all this up?  I am just another bozo on the bus, like all of you.  Let's not get all ugly with each other.  Life is hard enough.  Live and let live? Works for me. 

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Things I Love Thursday - Part 28

I loved going to Disney and Universal.  Most of it.  You know, if you take away the mass humanity and kids screaming and general wanting to punch people in the throat. But you can't, when you go to a place like that, so you just accept that's how it is and try to enjoy the hell out of it.  Which is what we did.

I went with my in-laws.  Who are awesome.  Seriously.  I couldn't ask for a better family than my husband's.  His sister is such a blessing to me in that we have the best time together.  And his parents are the kindest, dearest, funniest people I could ask for.  That's why my Dumpster Husband turned out so kind and funny. 

Anyway, I'm going to share some pictures, like a "what did you do on your vacation" thing.  I'm not posting pictures of my in-laws, cuz as I've said before, not everybody is a total spaz and likes to plaster their photos everywhere like I do. 
Here we go:
This was the first day.  Kelly, my sister in law, found our perfect little family.  Gag me with a spoon.  

Prancing around like a silly ninny while my Dumpster Husband and my Father in law play serious golf.

We stayed at the Irish bar.  Good beer and even Irish Dancing.  I was pretty spaztastic about that. 

The Magic Kingdom.  We're having so much fun we are whistling Zipedeedoodah out of our assholes!

Oh, and THIS happened. I mean, none of us could recover.  My DH is the reason I know anything about The Beatles.  To say he is a huge fan, is an understatement.  Blew our minds.

We went to the Hall of Presidents on Presidents Day.  I teared up a few times.  It was pretty sweet.
and this:
W's boots.  If they weren't behind glass, I would have barfed into them.
Moving on to Universal Studios..........

 I mean, this was so cool.  The Harry Potter thing was totally worth it.

How happy am I to be at the Owl Post?  So damn happy.

Seriously awesome. And that Harry Potter ride was kick ass.  Every second of it. 

A Little Lucidity sent this to me. And truly, I wish you all rock bottoms. Nothing changes unless we are against a wall.  At least it didn't for me.  J.K. Rowling, thank you for Harry Potter and whatever got you there. 

After hitting rock bottom and getting sober, THIS is the only beer I can drink.  It was pretty yummy. 
Cream soda-ish. 
so cool.  The conductor kept yelling, "WEASLEY!".  It was really cute.

Moving on.....
Oh hi Iron Man.  What nice thighs you have.
I even got into my cherry retro swimsuit, which I haven't done in years. And here's the picture of the hot model wearing it.  Because there's no way I'm sharing me wearing it.  But it felt so good to fit into it, that I got a "I'm so happy on myself" moment. 

This guy was outside the condo we stayed in.  I saw several squirrels down there who were quite thin, compared to our Chicago Dumpster Squirrels. 
All in all, a great few days.  The weather was nice, the company was lovely and and the sights were pretty awesome.  I found I still have some pure joy for some things Disney.  I teared up during the Peter Pan ride.  No lie.  I love the Haunted Mansion and Pirates ride.  Even It's a Small World was lovely to me.  I'm not as bitter and cynical as I think I am sometimes. And I'm pretty happy about that.  Now, did I buy mouse ears or t-shirts?  No.  But I don't need to spend a ton of money on shit to prove I had a good time.  That's what blogs are for. 

Thursday, February 16, 2012

Things I Love Thursday - Part 27


Now it's become a "thing" over at the Facebook page.  And because it's that page's 6 month anniversary, I am going to re-share the fun over here. If I ever get in an elevator by myself, you know I am taking a pic of spaz dancing for you guys.  There have been 4 pictures in 6 months, so you know how rare it is to land in a Tower elevator by oneself. 

And yes, Security at the Tower, they love me.  I'm like their special little sister.  Something about a small space, covered in mirror and I can't help myself!  I MUST DANCE. 
And because I'm a big ol' spaz, THIS is what that looks like. 

Right now we have 6,278 Divers over there.  And MOST of them are so great that I can't imagine what I ever did before carrying them all around in my pocket at all times.  

If you feel so moved, share your own elevator spaz dancing photos on the Facebook wall over there. 
We would love it. 


If those don't make you feel how much I love you all being here, I don't know what will. 
Joy, baby.  PURE JOY.  It's a SPAZABRATION. 
Thanks everybody for reading the blog and playing the FB page.  xo, Katy

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Flashback into Judgement

Church Camp. Probably 1989 or so.  That's me with the shoulder pads, the madras shorts, the bandana, the big socks and the bad perm. 

The good old days. A simple mistake I made today while putting on my earrings made me think of being in church camp and doing this with an ice cube and a safety pin.
Status update that I posted today, got me started here:

I pierced my ear - second hole, left ear - at church camp when I was 15. I haven't used that hole in 20 years. This morning my earring accidentally went in there no problem. I think there's some Back to the Future thing happening now. Like that hole is a portal into the past. I feel the need to tie a bandana around the knee of my ripped jeans that are peg-legged with two different popped collar Izod tops and matching socks. HOLD ME.
Things were so simple when I was a teenager. And yet I thought everything was so complicated. I was super churchy girl. I was a figure skater. I was a virgin. I never had a drink until I was 18. I was dunked in the river, newly baptised Born Again at 16. Those were the glory days. I didn't know any better. I had no experience with people who were different than me. I thought I knew love and compassion, but I had no idea. It wasn't shown to me, so I didn't know how to show it to others.

You remember this girl?  She was an idiot.

In 1991, I had my first drink.  And then it all busted wide open.  The shit hit the fan.  I became an alcholic and that meant destruction every where I turned.  The switch had been flipped and I was in for the long haul.  By my own hand.  Why do we not appreciate what we have when we have it?  I think it's the way of the young that we just don't know any better.  The older I get and the longer I'm sober, the more I can hear myself saying, "this is so good.  appreciate THIS.  RIGHT NOW".  And I actually do.  Living in the moment is not an easy concept to learn.  But it's crucial to contentment.

When I was young, I thought I knew everything.  I also thought people who didn't love Jesus were bad and were going to Hell.  I judged because the church taught me to judge.  I was judged by the church so I thought I was bad.  Now of course I think that's all a bunch of fairy tales, because I've lived too much and met too many great people who are not Christians to know that to be true.  I am so grateful for every single thing and horrible experience I've gone through.  I never would have learned compassion otherwise. 

It's great if you love Jesus.  I don't think Jesus is the problem.  It's the organized religion that's the problem.  Love and compassion are my church.  Acceptance and tolerance and love.  Did I say love?  I don't need anything more than going through the shit storm I went through to know that is what heals.  It allows me to feel compassion for others in a way that cannot be taught by books or by sitting in church. 

I will not judge you for your religion.  All I ask if you don't judge me for my decision not to participate in one.  I'm not FOR abortion.  I am FOR human rights.  I am for Gay marriage, or as we like to call it, marriage between people who love each other, same as Dumpster Husband and I. 

Living in the moment.  Free of judgement and conditions.  Sounds strangely like a dog.  Which leads me back to what I believe to be true, dogs are better than humans.  I strive to be more like a dog. 

Dixie at Best Friends Animal Sanctuary, September 2011

Thursday, February 9, 2012

Things I Love Thursday - Part 26


I eat popcorn for dinner at least twice a week.  We have one of these magical inventions:
Which is called a Whirley Pop and yes, it's easy to make in a regular pot on the stove, this is a luxury for me to have this baby which helps make it better ALMOST every time. 

I can't really do microwave popcorn these days, it's not natural and it doesn't taste as good as stove made popcorn.  Little oil, little salt, done.  Boom. 

There are times I sprinkle Nutritional yeast on my popcorn.  I didn't believe it at first, but it actually tastes kinda like Parmesan cheese on there and it's super good for you. 

The problem is I had to go to stupid Whole Foods to get the stuff and you know how I'm not a big fan of Whole Foods.  I always feel like they are waiting for me to say or do something incredibly stupid in there.  Which, let's face it, I usually do.  I dropped a whole watermelon last Summer, and I know they've had it out for me ever since.

Why the hell am I so smiley on a "Wanted" poster?

But I digress, this is about popcorn.  I truly think that  whoever first popped a kernel of corn should have a holiday named for them.  Sadly, I bet Mr. Popcorn Guy would get a lot more response than some of the other people we have holidays for. 

I still get excited when they start popping.  Think about that for a second.  A tiny kernel of corn pops into a glorious pillow of deliciousness instantaneously in front of our eyes.  But if I open the lid and try to watch, as I have done 7,495 times, I get a hot splat to the face.  Doesn't stop me.  I think it's miraculous. Just you try to stop me from trying to watch that bitch pop.

I LOVE POPCORN.  And I'm not afraid to show it.  Is this too much?

Or what about this?
Classy popcorn ring. 

STD in ring form anyone?

Ahhhhh.  That's just right.  If I were to wear food rings, which of course I would because I am now obsessed with the ring below that I found yesterday on Pinterest. 

Not just a salad ring, but THIS salad ring. It's so beautifully rendered. 

I'm so grateful my husband didn't propose using any kind of food as a prop.  I would still be trying to poop that ring out.  No time to dilly dally, especially when it comes to popcorn.  GET IN MY MOUTH IMMEDIATELY.

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

It's Easy to be Awful

It is incredibly easy to be a hateful bitch.  It's so much harder to be kind and forgiving and compassionate. My go to emotion is often anger, but then it's not anger, it's usually hurt and fear and it manifests itself in anger.  When I step back and identify what I'm feeling 9 times out of 10 that's what it is and I can respond more appropriately. 

Then THIS happened this morning, and I shared on the Facebook page:
Co-worker in the kitchen: "So, what show is your Husband directing these days?"
Me: "It's called the Theatre of Making a Baby, and it's all VERY dramatic."
Co-worker: "ok, well good luck with that." EXITS. And scene.

The Underachieving Domestic Goddess, who has become a dear friend online and writes a great blog, said "You just wear your heart on your sleeve..there is nothing wrong about living out loud - you just have to do it knowing people aren't always going to know what to say or how to react as cool as a cucumber like you! Not everyone has that grace!"

Honestly, I don't know how else to do this anymore.  I can't NOT be honest to what is going on.   And yet, some situations demand that I be more careful and respectful of other people's comfort level.  I am only responsible for what comes out of my mouth, but I don't really want to alienate everyone else.  Some people yes, but not everyone.  *Wink*

When I lash out at someone, it's because I didn't stop and think and identify.   I do this still, a lot.  I am way better than I used to be, but damn, it's still there.  I am a hot blooded Irish woman and my temper is right there, all the time.  If I can get a handle on what I'm feeling, I can do better.  It's self preservation to be venomous and bitter and hateful when I feel threatened.  It's also humor and sarcasm and snark.  I use it constantly, and honestly, it's helped me to survive.  I have no plans of giving it up, but I have to be mindful of what's really going on.  It's covering the deeper shit that for me, can't be covered. 

What does revenge do?  It keeps the cycle going.  I can't afford that luxury.  I can't afford to be hateful and resentful and bitter and angry.  That shit will cause me to drink.  Maybe not today and maybe not even next week, but if I hold onto that, I will drink.  Because that is WHAT I DO.  I drink.  To numb feelings and to escape my reality.

This is the ongoing challenge for the rest of my fucking life.  One day at a time, no matter what, I have to be responsible for my feelings and not drink because of them.  This is hard work.  This is going to be tested over and over and over and I'm going to fail.  MISERABLY.  But then, that is what apologies and amends and forgiveness are for. 

This working on yourself bullshit is just that sometimes.  BULLSHIT.  But I would so much rather this than the alternative of never feeling anything. 

I have thoughts of revenge and dream of someone getting what I think they "deserve".  I have delicious moment of revenge filled fantasies.  But that is not my call.  Who the hell am I to say what someone deserves?  I deserve to be miserable and unhappy and drunk. If life were fair, I would be dead.

I acted abominably when I was using.  I hurt everyone around me continually with no regard for their feelings and what I was doing to them.  NONE.  Today, I try to pay that all back by trying to do better, to BE better.

I don't WANT to work on myself all the time.  I don't.  But I have to.  It's part of the deal I made when I got sober that I would do whatever it takes to stay sober.  So, I begrudgingly fight the good fight and try harder.  That includes failing.  Fail every day and often!  That should be my motto.  It's the picking myself up and taking responsibility for my actions that get me back on the right path. 

This life I've been given is a gift. I hear myself sometimes and I want to spank my own face for how cheesy it all sounds.  But then I remember, you know what?  This shit is deadly serious.  I won't apologize for taking it seriously.   I was given a second chance, and I don't ever take that granted.  Not for one second.  

Thursday, February 2, 2012

Things I Love Thursday - Part 25

I LOVE not being pregnant.

Here's the deal, I want to be pregnant, we are trying to be pregnant and I know there are an awful lot of you out there who are as well.  So every month when I get my period, I get a little sad.  But not today.  NO WAY. 

I'm not discussing details of our situation, and know that you respect that.  This is my view, my humorous way to deal with my situation, so don't get all angry or sad on me ok?  No need.  We will get there however and whenever we are supposed to. 

Today, let's talk about how great it is to NOT BE PREGNANT. 
  1. I get to wear skinny jeans with no bump.
  2. I get to do whatever the hell I want whenever the hell I want to.
  3. If I weren't a raging alcoholic, I could drink as much as I wanted and not feel guilty.  But I digress.
  4. I get to swear my head off with no repercussion.
  5. I get to teeter around on my heels and run and fall with no worry for whether I'm hurting another being inside me.  If I get hurt, it's just me, and that's easier to deal with.
  6. I have a ton of me time.  I keep hearing "enjoy it while you can."  And well, I really do enjoy it.
  7. I've gotten to get and stay sober for a good long while before I bring a child into our family.  A gift that a lot of people don't get.  My child, HP willing, will never see mommy drunk. 
  8. We get to be idiots at Disney World later this month and not worry about being careful or dragging a baby along.
  9. I get to spend quality fun time with my wonderful Dumpster Husband.  Which, let's face it, when you've only been married for almost 3 years, is still pretty fucking great.  He's the person I would pick above anyone else to spend time with.  And that alone is way better than a lot of couples can say.

My new favoritest picture of all time.

Here's the list of things to keep in mind when speaking with me:
  1. Mentioning babies is good.  I love babies!  I don't get sad when baby talk comes up.
  2. Don't worry I'm sensitive when someone else is pregnant.
  3. You won't upset me by telling me YOU are pregnant.  I'm super happy for you!  Unless you are just an asshole and I wouldn't be happy about anything for you.  But most, times, YAY, happy!
  4. I'm not being snarky and sarcastic and hiding how I really feel you guys.  Sure this is a sucky position to be in, but in NO WAY is this a terrible situation.  No one is dying.  We are all good.  This is not a sad situation.
  5. Whatever you are feeling about me feeling is YOUR FEELING.  Let me decide for myself how I feel, ok?  Most of the time it's pretty damn good and grateful.
My life is great today.  How many people get to say they LOVE their husband and they LOVE their job and they LOVE where they live and they LOVE being sober and they LOVE writing a good blog that people really seem to like?  This is the good stuff.  I've got the cake.  A baby would just be icing.