Today it's kind of random thoughts on this here blog and funny shit about babies. Cuz, you know, that is where I am right now in my life, and this blog is all about what's in my head and heart right at this moment.
I understand that reading my posts and my blog may be difficult for those who are struggling with trying to have or adopt a child. I am constantly aware of how this feels because I was there too. I want you to know that I never take any of this for granted and I know every second how very lucky we are. I do my own version of praying and sending love and light and hope and gratitude out to the universe for me and for you many many times a day. I hope with all my heart you find happiness and gratitude for where you are in life and for what you have. I get the most notes from people about sobriety and the struggle to get it and keep it, or for trying to create or add to your family. For those notes, I am so grateful, and I believe in you.
SOBRIETY and my journey to create a family are the two things I blog and talk about the most. It's what this blog is about and I am so grateful you take the time to share and read it.
This is the status I posted yesterday on the Facebook Page -
"Good morning lovely capable dependable and full of hope Divers! Did we all make it through yesterday? We did! Today is another day to do better and be better. And to learn way more about being a good mama. Sobriety and motherhood are what I was meant to practice. And they go hand in hand. This is the best gig ever. Have a great day, everybody! *blowing you kisses*"This is so true and if you regularly read my blog you know I am so grateful to be sober and ONLY BECAUSE I AM SOBER do I get to be a mama and do I get to be gifted with these babies. And the fact that all of you share in this journey with me just makes it so much more fun and also makes me feel like I'm a part of something bigger and more profound than just sitting in our apartment every day with these two little ones and KEEPING THEM ALIVE. Oh my gods, HOW AM I KEEPING THEM ALIVE?
But more than that is the idea that every day, I WILL FAIL. I will fail at life, as I always have, as you always have, but the difference is today we can learn from it and hopefully not keep doing the same stupid shit over and over and over and expecting different results. This is becoming especially clear right now as I messily and sometimes desperately flail around trying to be a good mama to these two little squishy beings that are entirely in my dear sweet dumpster husband's and my care. HAVE YOU EVER TRIED TO FEED TWO BABIES THAT ARE 17 DAYS OLD AT THE SAME TIME? Holy shite, will that humble your cocky arse but quick.
And man, DO I EVER FLAIL (think Kermit arms flailing about and that's kinda how I look several times a day right now).
Here are my immediate gripes:
- These babies STILL cannot make a decent cup of coffee.
- They are so damn cute. I mean really, tone it down a bit.
- They don't know how to give me a proper manicure, and gods forbid, if I paint my nails myself, they inevitably cry and I mess up my nails trying to calm them down.
- They smell really really delicious.
- THEY ARE HUNGRY ALL THE DAMN TIME.
- I AM HUNGRY ALL THE DAMN TIME.
- They exhibit shoddy workmanship when I force them to put together all the furniture we keep getting from IKEA. Lazy, really.
- They are only 6 to 7 pounds and sometimes they absolutely terrify us way more than a huge hulking menacing terrifying awful bad bad man.
- They can't seem to focus on things I want them to really focus on. Like noticing and commenting on how cute I look today. I mean, I wore this dress for you, babies.
- OH MY GODS MY BEWBIES ARE SO FULL OF WHITE STUFF.
- These babies are pretty poopy. You understand. POOPY ALL THE TIME!
- I get to practice baby juggling with two babies and feeding both at once. This terrifies and excites me all at once. It's like the ultimate test of determination and hope at the same time.
- DID I MENTION MY BEWBIES?
- They really are a great way to lose weight. I've lost almost 40 pounds now of the 55 I gained while pregnant. Now if I can just get this c-section business to heal I can get back to spinning! WOOT WOOT! Stupid c-section.
|Gratuitous Hall & Oates and Sally Boy shot.|