Monday, November 19, 2012

Misery Loves Company?

I've noticed since I've been pregnant many many MANY people WANT me to complain.  It happened before I got pregnant too, because I've been fighting this happiness battle a long time.  But it's happening way more now since I am pregnant.  It's like they cannot wait for me to start whining about how terrible this all is.  Either the pregnancy part of the having two kids coming part.  Well, I hate to disappoint you, but when you work so hard to get pregnant in the first place, you don't really find reason to complain.  In fact, it's quite the opposite.  And I know there are many of you out there who feel exactly the same way I do. 

And I don't need to "just wait until.....".  I don't.  If my past is any indication of what my attitude will be, I will choose gratitude.  For all of it.  Even when I'm miserable.  BECAUSE I MAKE THAT CHOICE.   It doesn't mean I'm delusional or in denial.  It simply means, I've been through shit.  And I can see so much good in every day little stuff that so many take for granted.  There are those among us who celebrate normalcy and even going through pains of something like being pregnant, I am thankful for every little ache and pain and don't take it lightly at all. 

We paid a lot of money and I had one of the worst, darkest periods of my life with In Vitro.  Why the hell would we do all that only to complain about being pregnant and then about having kids? 

I guess it's interesting to me that people so badly want me to be miserable.  Is it really the "misery loves company" thing?  I find it online and in real life, that people say, "how are you feeling?" And I say, "I feel pretty good, I feel lucky that this is a pretty easy pregnancy."  SILENCE.  and then they say, "well just wait, and then they go on to tell me about something TERRIBLE that I will experience with these kids."  Well, yeah.  That's the whole point isn't it?  That doesn't mean I'm not still going to be happy about it at the end of the day. 

I understand some people are bitter.  I understand that some people are not happy in their lives and feel the need to pass along their misery to others, but you know what?  I HAVE A SHIELD AGAINST YOU.


That's right.  This is some Captain America comic book shit right here.  I have a shield against bitterness and negativity and emotional vampirism and I will fight you.  I with fight to not fall victim to your unhappiness.  Because I have been in a hole of unhappiness and I need to defend myself against it. 

I don't mean to say it's all bloody sunshine and roses and that I don't feel extremely uncomfortable and scared and unprepared and all that, but god dammit, we wanted this so badly and we are getting this, and I am more than anything else, SO FUCKING HAPPY and grateful that this is happening. 

So, when you approach me and you have a snarky, snide, bitter comment to make just know, I WILL DEFLECT IT.  I want you to be happy too.  We're not all happy all the damn time, but damn, is life ever good.  I can only control my part of things, and I control that I won't react to negativity if I can at all help it. 

You want to bring me down, YOU WILL HAVE TO TRY HARDER.  Well, no, don't.  I don't really want you to try to bring me down, just as I will only try to build you up.   I want you to be happy, joyous and free.  Not sad and miserable and joyless.  No matter what is going on in my life, even through tears and freak outs, I can find something to be thankful for. 

Then there are the people who are choosing happiness as well.  I love to surround myself with these people.  Even as they go through the shit, they try to find the bright side.  I know, I know, we are annoying as hell, but still we go on and we are hopeful and filled with gratitude.   When you've been through hell on earth, you know that anything else has to be better than that.  And it is.  It really is better.  We all have darkness.  We all experience highs and lows and it's how we deal with those extremes that makes a difference in the long term.

I choose to surround myself with people who want the light and love of happiness.  We fight for it.  We fight for each other.  And that fight can get ugly.  Seems like a paradox - an ugly fight to be happy.  But it is, because it doesn't come naturally to a lot of us.  We have to work at it.  Don't make me start ugly crying, because it's about all I do lately.  And you know what?  I am happy about that.  FEEL ALL THE FEELINGS!  Who wants to put their shield up with me?

37 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. It is so nice, knowing there are indeed happy people in this world. You give me hope to one day find it myself.

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  2. You. This. Your gratitude and positivity are contagious. And I'm, in turn, grateful for you.

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  3. Right on! Shields up!

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  4. I had a shield. I got it in Al-Anon. A lady used to say she would "protect her serenity at all costs", even when that meant she had to kick her son out on the street and watch him live in his car. He chose drugs and alcohol. He could not choose otherwise at the time.

    My shield has gotten bigger and brighter since you've come into my life. My shield is shaped more like a star though. Those pointy edges come in handy when the crabby people just won't take a hint. ;-)

    Big sloppy smooches to you and the behbies, and the DH.

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  5. Let's all get matching shields. I love you. <3 Cyn
    A.D.D. Music Mamma

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  6. Lurv your face! I know I have been watching what I say to people, especially pregnant ladies. I make a point to offer encouragement instead of negativity!

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  7. Love love love this. I felt the exact same way when I was pregnant. It took 5 years to get there after Drs. said it would never happen. I never complained and felt so blessed. Also, don't listen to birthing stories either. Nothing like scaring the crap out of ya. You will have your own experience. Truly the happiest day of my life.

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  8. Girl I am so Fucking Happy too!! with a 20 month old son, we tried to have a baby for 8 years, Dr's, tests, probing, the "dredded" test hubby had taking it like a trooper...my boy is beautiful,healthy and worth the wait ...I cant complain

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  9. I loved this blog, as I love all of them, but this one, I really loved.... Keep up the great work.

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  10. I loved this!! What an awesome blog. You rock. I'm also a FB fan and have been following you for some time. Keep up the good work. You're going to make a wonderful mother.

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  11. Yippeeeee!!!!!! Good for you and enjoy! I love reading your posts.

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  12. As usual, I ADORE YOU and am so taken in by your happi-grati-tudinous self. I'll happily help you hold that shield in place. Anytime. Anywhere. You can hand it off to me when you feel a spaz dance coming on!!

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  13. you just wait until you have two beautiful little heads to sniff and 20 tiny toes to kiss!!!!

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  14. This has to be the best written response to negativity I have ever read. I've been working on more positive thinking lately and life sure is easier to take when you keep a positive outlook. it doesn't mean you're a Pollyanna, just that you dont have the time to let life grab you by the balls and squeeze. I your blog and facebook page. keep that shield up and keep spazz dancing!!!

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  15. This has to be the best written response to negativity I have ever read. I've been working on more positive thinking lately and life sure is easier to take when you keep a positive outlook. it doesn't mean you're a Pollyanna, just that you dont have the time to let life grab you by the balls and squeeze. I your blog and facebook page. keep that shield up and keep spazz dancing!!!

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  16. We lost our only child, three-year old Oliver, to cancer one and half years ago. Considering this, I am pretty damn happy, if you don't count the constant emotional pain part. Shields up!

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  17. Preach it girl!! ;)
    I got so tired of hearing, "Double Trouble" from everyone. :(

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  18. Yeah, no idea why people feel the need to do that, and it is exponentially more to us twin mamas. And just wait- when they finally come out and you are head over heels in love with your sweet children- 6 out of 10 people who stop you to ask if they are twins will then roll their eyes knowingly and sympathetically, and say "Double Trouble." Even on my worst day with two preemie babies with the kind of reflux that made vomit hitting the goddamn ceiling a daily occurrence, I never felt as negative about my babies as some strangers do. Sure, it's hard when they are little. DUH. But GOOD HARD, not BAD HARD.

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  19. how do i love thee, kit10? you are one of the reasons i even bother with facebook and the innerneck anymore. i know i don't comment much anymore, but just know i always nod and smile and feel joy for you. every.damn.day.

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  20. I totally agree! You have to CHOOSE joy and you have to TRY to find something to be happy for, but if you really do look, you WILL find it. Having lost my first husband to suicide and still finding a way to put a smile on my face despite this curve ball life threw, I will take up my shield right along with ya ;)

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  21. You just wait...baby toes are the best snacks EVER and you get a double helping AT THE SAME TIME! I'm totally jelly because I had to wait three years between my kids to get the double helping. Its crazy and yeah not everything is perfect all of the time but I love my life and I wouldn't trade it for the world!!!!I can't wait to "meet" Hall & Oates, I have a feeling they are going to have even more personality than their mother, if that's even possible.

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  22. You are my idea of a superhero! People take a lot of things for granted and pregnancy is one of them. I can't stand people who whine about having kids. There's plenty of people who'd love to have kids and they can't. Just be thankful you were blessed with the chance. Those are the kinds of people I wish I could sterilize because clearly they don't need to be parents if all they're going to do is complain about someone they created. Be thankful for what you have, life could be much much much much worse!

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  23. I dunno why my computer eats comments...... Probably Grandmama.

    So .... You're growing PEOPLE for crying out loud! Bouncing babies who deflect negativity like bosses! Keep up with the positivity and "YOU JUST WAIT" till you sniff those babies heads......THAT is the BEST smell in the world.....even better than coffee. Swear.

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  24. I dunno why my computer eats comments...... Probably Grandmama.

    So .... You're growing PEOPLE for crying out loud! Bouncing babies who deflect negativity like bosses! Keep up with the positivity and "YOU JUST WAIT" till you sniff those babies heads......THAT is the BEST smell in the world.....even better than coffee. Swear.

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  25. Every time I read your blog posts I learn something or get the kick in the ass I so need. Thank you for being so strong and wise and for sharing all this with us.

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  26. Ecstatically read! Your positivity shines through! Thank you for this. I have five children, some have challenges. People are always asking me how I deal with them and aren't I tired? I had all my children by choice and through love. I wanted a large family and I feel so lucky that I was able to be granted this! I tell them life is for living and I'll rest when I die. I would NEVER take back my choice to be a mom. Even when my teens back talk me and make me mad, I think- raza is all in life. The only thing worth living and suffering for. Now that I'm older, I appreciate my littlest ones even more! Don't you wish you could sleep in, watch a movie at a theater, go out on the town, have quiet time? Stupid questions. Time goes by so fast, and enough things like work take me away from my kids, I'm never lonely, or bored and I never have time to feel sorry for myself. Loving life, my kids, and my new grandson that has a two year old auntie! Blah blah colic and scare tactics! If being a parent was that terrible, the human race would have died off long ago. Instead the biggest secret that NO ONE shares about parenthood is that it makes you so happy that your heart will ache and throb for JOY and LOVE!!!!! Just wait...

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  27. Ecstatically read! Your positivity shines through! Thank you for this. I have five children, some have challenges. People are always asking me how I deal with them and aren't I tired? I had all my children by choice and through love. I wanted a large family and I feel so lucky that I was able to be granted this! I tell them life is for living and I'll rest when I die. I would NEVER take back my choice to be a mom. Even when my teens back talk me and make me mad, I think- raza is all in life. The only thing worth living and suffering for. Now that I'm older, I appreciate my littlest ones even more! Don't you wish you could sleep in, watch a movie at a theater, go out on the town, have quiet time? Stupid questions. Time goes by so fast, and enough things like work take me away from my kids, I'm never lonely, or bored and I never have time to feel sorry for myself. Loving life, my kids, and my new grandson that has a two year old auntie! Blah blah colic and scare tactics! If being a parent was that terrible, the human race would have died off long ago. Instead the biggest secret that NO ONE shares about parenthood is that it makes you so happy that your heart will ache and throb for JOY and LOVE!!!!! Just wait...

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  28. Beautifully articulated. IVF is it's own special hell on earth. NO woman or couple would subject themselves to this grueling and really ridiculously expensive procedure unless they truly and with all of their being want a child. I know first hand....I am a mother to 3 IVF babies. Love and light to you, DH and Hall and Oates. SHIELDS UP, DEFLECT AWAY mama!

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  29. Yep. Misery does love company. I am glad you're able to rise above all that bullshit and be who you are today. I like you and all your happiness and gratitude. Carry on, mama! xoxo

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  30. It's amazing how many people like to rain on your pregnant/new parent parade. I'm not going to say that every aspect of pregnancy is pleasant, but I was positively thrilled to be "expecting" all 4 of my kids. Each trimester of pregnancy is different. Listen to your body; rest and enjoy every moment of this hard-earned "gift".

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  31. *hugs* mama! Enjoy your pregnancy and your twinnies. Keep your shield handy once they get here too. When people see twins, their brains turn off and the most senseless/rude/inane drivel will poor out of their mouths. I've learned to smile and nod, then keep on going while mentally shaking my head at them. Your adventure is only beginning! Best wishes to you and your family.

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  32. Don't let the haters keep you down! As a mom of twins, being pregnant with them is fun! People want to point out all the negative..here's some positive:
    1) When they start moving around, it looks like an alien death match inside you. That's awesome!

    2) MINE were breech, facing each other and already fist fighting. So you always have some UFC shit going on in there.

    3) Dude...you can eat the hell out of whatever you want and be like "Um...eating for 3 here!" and totally get away with it.

    4) Shopping...come on now!

    5) The best thing? Double the love. That makes anything else totally worth it.

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  33. I love your choice! I hope happiness rains down on you ever single day.

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  34. This post reminds me of my favorite quote by Charles Swindoll, about life being 10% what happens to us, and 90% how we react to it. Sure, life can sometimes be hard. Really hard. It can downright suck ass. That said, we are in charge of how we allow it to make us feel. It sounds so effing lame, but legit changed my life when I first came across it:

    ATTITUDE
    by: Charles Swindoll
    The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life.

    Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company... a church... a home.

    The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past... we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude... I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it.

    And so it is with you... we are in charge of our attitudes.

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  35. Awesome post! My daughter is due in March and whenever someone asks how she is doing, they are amazed when I respond "She's great". And I'm with you, if one more person tells me what it is going to be like to be a granma I will punch them in the f---in face. How she will raise her kids differently than I did, it's a different world now, yada, yada, yada! Best of luck to you and your very lucky babies, you will be an amazing mommy!
    Candi

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