Thursday, February 14, 2013

Things I Love Thursday - Part 65

You better watch out because I'm gonna say fuck. 


Rollin' with the homies
The Thing I Love This Thursday is MALL WALKING.  And yeah, yeah, yeah, we all know I love my dear sweet dumpster husband, but it's Valentines Day and I'm sure there will be a barrage of lovey dovey posts today, so I ain't doing it. 

So, yeah, we went to the mall like three proper bad asses.  And this isn't any old mall, this is the mall in which I grew up skulking about.  This is a mall I haven't frequented in years and years, BECAUSE IT'S IN THE SUBURBS, SON and I get nervous leaving the safety of the city limits these days.  BUT this is a mall I bought Benetton sweaters in and Swatch watches and UNITS and stalked Contempo Casuals and got Annie's Pretzels in - like a late 80's/early 90's BOSS with big mothereffing hair, yo. 

My high school Senior Picture Circa 1991.  Home perm.  Wings.  Hoops.  Double piercing in left ear that was done at a YOUTH GROUP CHURCH RETREAT LIKE A GANGSTA, Shoulder Pads.  Shimmer lip gloss.  Necklace with a heart and someone has the key.  If only I could remember who that peg leg jeaned stud was......
Observations at the MOTHERFUCKING MALL, YO.
  1. There are a shit ton of mall walkers during a week day.
  2. EVERYONE wants to talk to the lady with the twins.  
  3. People pay way too much money for some bullshit.
  4. There are some real creepy dudes out there who really want to talk to a righteous MILF with babies. CREEPY CREEPS.
  5.  EVERYONE wants to talk to the lady with the twins. 
  6. There are a lot of moms and babies who all seem to KNOW EACH OTHER. 
  7. There are a lot of strollers and double strollers at this gangsta playground. --

Which is why I just parked on the upper level with our double stroller and threw the babies overboard.  I think they landed ok.  I mean, Hall landed on a slide and Oates was just content to lay there like a starfish in the middle of the screaming mob of punk ass kids.  SUBURBS.  CHECK IT.  Watch yourself, you could get a cap in yo' ass.  I left them there for maybe 30 minutes while I went to Wet Seal and tried on pleather pants, yo.  WAIT, you mean that's NOT a babysitting service in there?  The parents are supposed to supervise their kids there?  Shit.  No wonder they were all giving me the stink eye when I gave them a tip on our way out.  Oh well, live and learn.

We made it about 3 hours and then the meltdown started.  First Hall and then Oates.  We high tailed it to Nordstroms -- AND NO I DON'T WANT A SAMPLE OF STANKASS PERFUME I HAVE TWO WAILING BABES HERE -- because they have lovely ladies lounges.  We lounged and fed and changed our nappies.  Well, I didn't have to change mine at that point.  But then we went and got a Valentine's card for our main man and got the heck out.  One Starbucks, one pretzel and one card - $8.  A few hours of lovely walking around with babies and other humans who were quite lovely except for a couple smartass remarks, PRICELESS.  We will be back, mall. WE WILL BE BACK.

I leave you with this gem by my nerd crush, genius Ben Folds (that's the link to a post I did about him).   It's all I could think about walking through the mall today.  It was a good spazz dancing soundtrack for our walking like bad asses through the mall with heels and red lips.

And I smiled and smiled and every comment got a sincere "Thank you, yes, they are twins, a boy and a girl.  They are 5 weeks old and I am SO LUCKY."


  1. ROFLMFAO . . . Oh I love you Katy. Did they all call you brave too for being out with them so early and *gasp* all by yourself. PS I love the song choice almost as much as you.

  2. gorgeous mom -- i'm sure all the men were drooling.

  3. I think Im more impressed by you looking so put togethor and walking for 3+ hours in those heels then by you having two infants with you. Yep.. definitly.

  4. Not a babysitting service in there.... you mean it's not?! bawahahaha --girl you crack me up!

    On a serious note... were you an aqua-net user? I rocked the 80's with wings, home perm and REALLY BIG hair... that ONLY aqua-net could hold. Good times.

    You look fabulous, by the way... good for you, getting up and getting out. I am also very impressed with the 3+hours in heels.

  5. I think this is one of my favorite tilt's ever. It is hard to be a gangster at the mall, yo.
    Especially while you're nursing babies at Nordstrom and dodging weirdo creepers who like milfs and babies. You're a badass, for real. A badass mom who's rockin the shit outta this life. So happy for you. I'm crying, but its hormones, I think. Xoxox

  6. Good for you for getting out and about...oh that double stroller! I don't know how you do it! Well, I do know. You do it with LOVE. Smooches.

  7. Senior pic, I AM DYING

  8. Ha ha ha! I was working there in 1990 managing the Limited!
    I miss the old mall days! Fox Valley and Stratford Square were our main hang outs.
    Spent lots of time in that Ladies Lounge in Nordstroms -- back in the day when I did go to the mall! You are so brave to have taken them out by yourself! Next time put a sign on the stroller with the info! LOL
    XOXO Monica VB

  9. This was awesome Katy! You had me rolling over here with your gangsta shit. Hope you tipped the playplace people well ;) xoxo

  10. This might be your best motherfucking post to date, yo!!! In hysterics at my desk. Thank you :-)


  12. They all wanna talk to you coz your hot momma! If only they knew all they had to do was say I can let you sleep for a whole weekend baby. You;d be off like a shot! OH WAIT! shit. I'm projecting again aren't I? Apologise. XD

  13. I know that mall, I live about 20 minutes NW of it! Good for you for getting out of the house, too many people with little ones end up getting depressed because they stay home all day with them and don't get any adult interaction. You are a good mama, doing good for those babies and doing good for you too!!

  14. Wait wait wait....I've been reading your blog forevah and also frequented Woodfield Mall during the late 80's and 90's. Wha? Crazy. PS, mallwalkers are insane.

  15. SEE?!?!? You know what you're doing! You were nervous for no reason!!

  16. I gave up Facebook for lent. The only thing I missed was your page. So I looked you up the old fashioned way. You should have dressed the babies in bloods and crips colors for a trip to the hardcore mall, Yo'

  17. YES! Ben Folds, big hair, and the outside world! Quiet Riot ain't got NUTHIN' on you :)