Do these car seats make my hips look big? I'm pretty sure they do, right? Well, since babies and baby shit (no pun intended) are my newest accessory it seems fitting that my hips don't lie. CUE SHAKIRA.
I am working this shit.
I love dressing up. No secret or shock there. I love high heels. That's not a confession either. The babies are almost 4 weeks old and I've found a way to dress and get out of the house ALMOST every day. Or to have people over to give me some kind of break and adult conversation. It's vital. It's important to me that I feel and look good in some small way every day. It seems vain, but it's all part of doing better every day. If I'm not moving forward, I'm moving backward. Online AA meetings are vital and saving my ragged ass. What did young moms do without online meetings? They are on my gratitude list for sure these days.
My babies have red lipstick all over them some days. Don't call the DCFS, It's from me kissing them with red lips. Well, maybe on Hall it's actual red lipstick, but you know, just a little bit. I CAN'T STOP KISSING THEM!
I whine-cried to my dear sweet dumpster husband this morning as I was feeding and pumping at once and he was leaving for work, "I WISH I WAS GOING TO WORK." I cried a little longer and then it passed and I'm back to smiling and being grateful. Always being GRATEFUL even underneath the TIRED AND THE FRUSTRATED and the COW-LIKE feelings I have right now. But we laugh. And we laugh and we realize how lucky we are. FEELING ALL THE FEELINGS! You can't feel the highs without the lows. And it's OK to feel sad or frustrated as long as I keep in mind, THIS TOO SHALL PASS. And you know it always does.
Don't tell anyone, but some of my favorite moments are at 3am when DH gets up to feed one baby and I feed the other and we are half asleep but making each other laugh and encouraging each other and sometimes flying babies through the air because it is the ONLY THING THAT WILL MAKE HER STOP CRYING and we share these moments that only he and I will know for the rest of our lives.
The fact that I used to be up at 3am riding the CTA trains DRUNK OUT OF MY MIND, by myself, in a blackout and not remembering how I got to the south side or back to the place I wound up in the morning is not lost on me. How I made it out of those situations relatively unharmed and alive is reason enough for me to believe I'm supposed to be here. Out of my stupors, I got another chance for this MUNDANE LIFE BEYOND MY WILDEST DREAMS. I get to live in this warm place that has my name attached to it, with paychecks and benefits that I earn and share this HOME - not just a a crash pad, as was my existence for years - a HOME with my dear sweet dumpster husband who really loves me and my two sweet dumpster babies. I mean, what in the world could be better than all that?
Nothing. Nothing in the world could be better than this normal, every day, mundane, poopy and bewbie filled life I've gotten myself into right now. And that, is what gets me up every damn morning. I AM LIVING THE DREAM. It's covered in bewbie milk, as is EVERYTHING right now, but it is such sweet bewbie milk, I couldn't be more grateful. Even through tears.
Love. Just love.ReplyDelete
YOU. MAKE. ME. SMILE. :)ReplyDelete
You keep on keepin on!ReplyDelete
<3 to You, DH, and those sweet, red lipstick covered, bewbie milk drinking, beautiful balls of life Hall & Oates!
Another great blog!!ReplyDelete
Love all of this.ReplyDelete
loved the honesty.ReplyDelete
Awwww. Happy for you! The book "Happiest Baby On the Block" was very helpful for me with the crying jags (the baby's, not mine). Until I got a white noise machine, I nearly shorted out my hair dryer and vacuum cleaner. Before that I spent several nights sleeping sitting up with a baby in my arms and a vacuum-cleaner just sitting there turned on beside the bed.ReplyDelete
Bewbies. Best spelling ever.
That book was a sanity saver for when I had my twins years ago after everything else hadn't worked including a homemade hammock contraption (not recommended, btw) and bouncing on the corner of the bed for hours killing my lower back (not in the fun way,either). 4 out of the 5 S's worked - the stomach/side was a no-go due to reflux.Delete
I agree. That book also saved my sanity. 5S - Swaddle, shushing, sucking, swinging, side position! - maryfeDelete
I love this so very much. You're not vain. You're right. Getting up, getting dressed, getting OUT is so important! You are so amazing.ReplyDelete
when my kids were 4 weeks old I wasnt even thinking of leaving the house except for their checkups and what not.. and even then i just yanked on a pair of jeans and a hoodie (thank god tehy were born in winter) and pulled my hair up into a ponytail... you go momma!!! <3 so happy for you!!ReplyDelete
You've been so blessed. Everything about this post oozes love. And just wait, you are going going to have some sexy guns from carrying those car seats ;)ReplyDelete
Love! Your awesome!ReplyDelete
Love this! Love reading your blog it's amazing :)ReplyDelete
Yay for bewbie milk covered babes!!! Yay for the wonderfully, mundane life!! Yay for surviving life in order to be a sober Mommy!!! Just YAY!!! Loud!!! YAY!!!ReplyDelete
Love! Love! Love! You're a very lucky woman.ReplyDelete
cue the tears! thank you!!ReplyDelete
I think I'm 4 weeks ahead of you. Stevie is now an official 2 month old and taking care of one is hard enough. The moments of sadness and feelings of being alone are all so real. But then there's a coo, a smile, a nuzzling in your arm or on your neck. The sweet, sweet smell of his hair under my chin. And the squishyness of him on my chest. For all the moments I wanted to pull my own hair out - I realize there's something bigger than me. A mission to take care of that little boy because without me (and my husband) he is nothing. I wish you lots of love and self care and the ability to keep going even when you want to give up. Because Hall and Oats are worth it....and you're worth it. Lots of love from one Mommy to Another xoxoxoReplyDelete
Love this. Love you.ReplyDelete
Your blog gives me the feels. So many feels. <3ReplyDelete
I just love you. You are so awesome! <3ReplyDelete
I just love you. You are so awesome! <3ReplyDelete
Your delight and gratitude for the "mundane" life is inspiring. We all tend to forget that life is just that, mundane. Filled with highs and lows, good and bad, but life that we are experiencing as a participant. Cherishing the highs and dealing with the lows through laughter and yes, some tears. You are doing a great job. Not just as a new Mom but as a friend for so many who need to know, that they too can have this. You go girl!!ReplyDelete
Remember, the days are long but the years are short :)ReplyDelete
Man I got all teary for you. Muy excellent bloggy blog post. And if you stand sideways you probably can't see much of your hips - it's like reverse pregnancy - maybe. Or not. Glitter cannons and p.s. how cool that they have online meetings! Who knew?!ReplyDelete
Oh I love you, sweet Katy. You, babies, gratitude....all of it. Your perspective is so bright. It's infectious, just like your megawatt smile. XoxoReplyDelete
Love this post and love you and those babies! And gosh woman you sure do have this under control! And you seem to know all the secrets already. It took me a long, long, long time to realize how good it felt to just get dressed in real clothes and put on lipstick while dealing with babies and lack of sleep. Hey, here's an idea: From now on I'll add a nice red lipstick in every baby gift I give to new moms.ReplyDelete
Hey, have i told you how happy I am for you? I am <3ReplyDelete
The Promises do come true! Every last one of them. Keep doing what you're doing, a day at a time. We are miracle! xoxoReplyDelete
I just want to tell you you're awesome for pumping and nursing those babies. Most twin mamas I know don't even consider it. I did it for my two kids but they were single births. It was a shitload of work, so I have much love and respect for the mamas who double-time it. Nice work, Mama. :)ReplyDelete
Yes girl, you get dolled up and you get your gussy on and you get out that house. Good for you!ReplyDelete
Hi Pumpkin! You look pretty great with those car seats. I would consider keeping them after the wee ones outgrow them, because they would make lovely purses. I'm so thrilled you can do online AA meetings; that was surprising for me to read, but of course there are online AA meetings. Very cool.ReplyDelete
Oh, you look so beautiful and so happy and so real! And so amazing. And you are FOR SURE going to have guns of effing steel after carrying TWO infants/infant car seats around! Make sure to take care of your back!ReplyDelete
Your brutal honesty, about the good but especially about the bad and the ugly, is so inspiring. Thank you so much for living out loud the way that u do. It truly does help me remember "Ok, it's not just me. And it's always possible for things to get better and be thankful for." Thank you!ReplyDelete
recently I become clean in sober for the first time in 7 years and it will be 4 weeks on Monday my addition however was Narcotics and it was very hard for me to find help so for the first week it was hell as was going through it cold turkey..I decided to get help but it took a good three days to get help because no one wants to help someone selfpay and uninsured. After finally finding treatment and getting through the first of the withdrawl. I have read many things and listened to many people, Counselors and therapists I read and heard the same thing over and over again, "No you cannot do THAT again its bad for you" Try this" "try that" " Doing what they suggested only seemed to frustrate me MORE because it seemed what worked for them was not working for me. A friend Sent me the link to your blog and the firs thing that stood out was "ONE DAY AT A TIME. If you really want to drink or use or smoke tomorrow, you can. But just for today, I choose not to. I respect whatever and wherever you are on your journey. And let me just say once more, DAMN, I MISS IT. It doesn't just magically go away. You have to find something to fill the hole. I found AA. You find whatever you want to fill that void. f I will have to keep filling the void with good stuff in order to not pick up again. And I will. Believe that." That hit me hard and good. It was profound, you werent saying NO i cant do it. BUT that I can if I want to but not today! And that has helped Immensely. So Thank you for doing this!!ReplyDelete