Tuesday, July 24, 2012

The Tale of Vainglorious and the Bump

This is a tale of a woman who suffers from vainglory.

vain·glo·ry

noun
1. excessive elation or pride over one's own achievements, abilities, etc.; boastful vanity.
2. empty pomp or show.
Her name is, let's just say Katy, for the sake of keeping things simple, and really, I'm not that good at hiding things, take for example the fact that almost every g-d one of you knew I was pregnant before I made my big announcement.

Vainglorious? After 2 holes in one?  You bet your ass I'm vainglorious.
Katy is pregnant. And she is deliriously and incredibly happy and full of joy and gratitude to be pregnant after wanting to be for so very long. This is a happy tale of a bumpster baby growing to life in her belly and all that goes with it.

However, Katy is vainglorious. She had lost 35 pounds in the last year and worked quite hard to get her dietary habits and lifestyle changes incorporated into her entire being and now? Well, now, she has to eat all the damn time.

Almost 15 weeks along here.

She isn't fitting into her cute clothes because she has gained 10 pounds. This is wonderful and healthy and beautiful and don't think for one second that she is wishing it were otherwise, because that's not the case. AND THIS IS NOT COMPLAINING. It's feelings. And we all have these feelings, with the good, come the bad. It's the yin and the yang of being human.

All that Katy is feeling is natural for a woman. Just as feeling the highs are here so are feeling the lows. And the real question is WHAT THE HELL DOES SHE WEAR? OH MY GOD. Vainglorious? HELL YES. How does she still look cute and keep growing little bumpster baby the best of her ability when she cannot fast after a long vacation of eating everything in the Door County region of Wisconsin? SHE MUST KEEP EATING.

This is the difference today. In the old days of her stupid addictive thinking, Katy would stop eating altogether. Now, she must keep eating, but eating GOOD HEALTHY FOOD instead of just crap because she feels like eating crap. Another difference is that Katy exercises today. Not anything crazy, and fully protected by helmets and bubble wrap and water wings and fully hydrated, but something to balance out all the eating. IT IS HEALTHY.



This word people talk about M O D E R - A - T I O N. That word is something that dear sweet Katy knows nothing about, or she thought she didn't, as she is addicted to everything. Everything she has done to excess, she has had to quit. Except for one thing. That attitude of gratitude. She does that all day every day for every little thing she has and feels and gets to experience in life. Because as we all know damn well by now, she shouldn't really have these chances. These opportunities to be so overwhelmingly happy and sad and worried and grateful and stupidly laughingly hopeful about her future are all gifts that she was never promised, they were given to her as a gift for getting sober and for helping others to get and stay sober, her purpose for being on this planet. 

So, in all honesty, this vainglorious thing is helping her to have a healthy pregnancy and to help keep her head screwed on right. Just because there is a baby bump now, doesn't mean everything she's learned is thrown out with the bathwater. I know I'm not alone here, and anyone who wants to shame dear sweet Katy for feeling this way, for feeling human and like a woman who enjoys being all cute, well, you know where you can cram that nonsense.

The moral of this Tale of Vainglorious and the Bump? We all have feelings of vanity. If we can talk about it and not hide or feel ashamed of it, we will all be better for having done that. We don't have to turn into hermits who don't care how we look when we become pregnant and then mothers. At least I don't think that's what we are supposed to do. We want to feel good and look good for ourselves and in turn for our families. That is called BEING HEALTHY. And that can never ever be a bad thing for our children.

Cute and healthy and determined.  And BUMPY.

Let's encourage each other, not beat each other up and say things like, "Oh, wear that now because you will never be able wear that again." BITTERNESS. "Enjoy your time with your husband now, because he will never find you attractive again." EVEN MORE BITTERNESS. And, my favorite, "Wear those heels now, because you are doomed to a lifetime of flats once you have this baby." Ladies, I don't want what you are selling, as you sound miserable and I don't think your family would want that either. I WILL WORK MY ASS OFF TO STAY HEALTHY AND POSITIVE AND CUTE. There, I said it. And there is nothing stopping you from doing the same damn thing. I will be your cheerleader. We are all in this together.

And all the women lived happily ever after, in encouragement and love and not tearing each other down, but instead building each other up, with love and laughter and gratitude for all we have.

THE END. 



38 comments:

  1. love this post! you are adorable. your bump is adorable. you are adorably bumpy.

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  2. Between baby 1 and baby 2 I lost 180 lbs. Not 18... one-hundred-and-eighty. Pounds. So when I started to gain weight with baby #2 and none of my clothes fit I was miserable. And my mother sat me down and told me "Get the fuck over it, you're growing a person. Go buy some cute maternity clothes and rock that baby bump. By the way, your tits are huge again." Which was awesome because after losing 180 lbs the girls were not nearly as awesome as they had been. It's rough to see your body change, and it's okay to be freaked out by it. It's normal and it's NOT complaining. You rock on and rock the baby bump.

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  3. RAH-RAH-ZIS-BOOM-BAH! Gooooooo, Katy! I'll be your cheerleader, love! Wear your heels, dye your hair, put your red lipstick on, and strut your stuff! <3

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  4. Fucking love you. Vainglorious with bump. Love.

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  5. In a world full of a lot of bad $hit... you are a refreshing and wonderful point of love, light and optimism. I think your joyful attitude inspires so many around you. The bumpster baby is so blessed to have someone like you in his/her little life.

    I have no doubts you'll be able to get into all your cute clothes again (and shoes, mustn't forget the shoes) Takes hard work and determination and will power... but you have an abundance of these qualities and I have no doubts of your ability to succeed at anything life throws in your way.

    On a side note... I'd still take you in mini-golf. No mercy for the Dumpster or the Bumpster :o)~

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  6. Licks, kisses, smooches, tail wagging, spaz waving, Hmm....how much more can I do to show you I love you??!! More licks? Yes!!
    THIS is what I'm talking about!! VAINGLORIOUS!!! Amen!!!

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  7. I can honestly say that you are the most amazing person I've ever known (heard of? read? .... well, you get the point).
    And that striped dress? With the baby bump? Gorgeous!!!!!!

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  8. Love this. Love that you have the balls to say what I've always felt like but couldn't say because people didn't want to hear it. I can assure you that it's normal to feel what you're feeling - or if it's not normal, then we're both not-normal in the same way!

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  9. I love you. So much. And I am so proud of you. And...your hubby, who truly loves you, will find you more attractive with that glow you got working, and with part of him growing inside of you. You are beautiful!! Be vain. And remember when I told you my daughter thought you look like Jessica Simpson? That girl wore 6 inch heels til the very end of her pregnancy. You are gorgeous, you are positive, and that growth inside of you is so lucky & blessed to be getting you as a mommy!

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  10. Love it :-) I actually enjoyed the way my body changed when I was pregnant.. I loved my big bump (my boy was 10 lbs and I got huge lol).. and although my son is 10 months old now and my body still isn't back to normal I know it was all worth it :-)

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  11. Girl, I am a 43 yr old mom of 3 little boys. I am cute and wear heels every damn day. Your husband will be MORE attracted to you. (Do try to avoid unnecessary but temporary trauma by suggesting he not look at your honey pot during delivery...but to each his own.) There will be days in the future that you will look so absurd that you will LOL at yourself. Simultaneously, you will feel like Mother Earth, because you are. You are a superhero, growing a human, and this is rockin! THIS IS LIFE...the very essence of life. I never felt more beautiful and sensual as when i was pregnant. True story. Kudos to you for embracing it and loving it and truly this does NOT change "Katy". It changes some of the things you do, but not the real you. Thank Gawd for that.

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  12. I love you. People are clearly not following the "don't be a dick" rule. Rock your heels, mama. <3 <3 <3 you!

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  13. After I had my girls, I felt sexier. I mean, after all, I MADE PEOPLE. AWFULLY CUTE PEOPLE at that! You're making a people and are kickin' ass and takin' names while you do it. Vainglorious combined with gratitude and humility makes the perfect equation for not being a dick about it. Sharing with the rest of us helps us not be dicks about it and brush it off when people ARE dicks about it. Hmmm...there are compliments in there, but I seem to be saying dick a lot and now I'm getting confused. Let's jump tracks.

    Now, this MODER-A-TION concept you speak of. I thought that was only in books and movies. You mean to tell me it's a real thing...that can be achieved...even by people like us? I think I'll try it. I'll jump in there feet first, control the shit out of it, and do it to the extreme. That's how great I'll be at it! Perfection is the only acceptable outcome. Ah screw it, I'll just sit here and lament on the unfairness of life. (If your readers look around the room, they'll see that fellow drunks are now laughing and normies are looking as confused as ever.)

    I love you in all of your vainglorious ways!!!!

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  14. From a man's perspective, nothing is sexier than a smart and confident woman (at least to me). Add on the fact that you're good-looking too, and that's the trifecta. To paraphrase from the comment earlier, Rock those heels like a damn Boss.

    This post shares an excellent message for men and women everywhere :)

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  15. I think I may be an alcoholic who never really became an alcoholic? I swear I relate to everything you say about addiction. (Could be my FOOD addiction but I am not ready to admit I have a problem yet so we will just drop that)Anyway I love you to pieces and I respect you so much for what you have to say. Keep on doing what you are doing and PLEASE keep being vainglorious because some of us need an example to follow! Much love to you!!! - Jerri Lynn

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  16. I love the tale of vainglorious!!! Such a wonderful message! The bump suits you...in your high heels and cute outfits (helmets, bubble wrap, and all).

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  17. FABULOUS post! (as usual)
    UGH! Those "enjoy it now" comments always piss me off! I will enjoy everything life gives me always and even more now that I have so many people to share my joys with. Those "enjoy it now" people look at life the wrong way. I am loving your attitude and following your journey! I can't wait to read more from you!

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  18. Awesome, Mama. Keep on rockin'. Screw those insensitive assholes. Who says that kind of shit anyway? Jerks.
    Love you, lady!

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  19. As long as you don't eat the bubble wrap or the water wings, you should be okay.

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  20. You have the most spectacular effing clothing collection for a prego gal. It's unfair, really - but I love you to pieces. xo Love this post and everything about it! xo

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  21. I love bumps, and this post, and you! Love, love, LOVE!!!

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  22. You are someone worth looking up to!! Be proud of the woman you are and the awesome momma you're becoming. Rock that bump like a boss! You are an inspiration to women everywhere who keep being told how to feel and what they should act like, dress like or be like. And a beautiful goddess for men all over the world to adore, but we all know how much of a goddess you are in your hubby's eyes. Thank you for this and I'm definitely going to follow your journey. Love love love you Vainglorious!!!

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  23. You are so deserving of cute ...Happy n healthy ...and MOST of all that sweet precious Babybumpety!!! Enjoy every single moment of the experience .... From this moment forward! God Bless u for bring YOU and sharing all your love n thoughts w US! I'm certainly cheering u on!

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  24. Eat woman...feed that baby lots of warm gooey stuff, ice cold stuff, salady stuff, whatever stuff that baby craves. Become vainglorious again after birth!

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  25. I just heart this "Katy" person... :) she looks beautiful... and her smile radiates happy, gratitude and contentment!


    What I touched me the most is the incredibly awesome outlook ~attitude...an attitude of worth! I am so very grateful that today I get choices! I am not longer limited by my own thinking...sure as shit not by someone else! I love me some choices... I could not wait to retire my heels, once I left the corporate world, I said BuhBye. I heart the air force one's baby! Today, I chose to wear my really "cute" brown and white converse tennis shoes. Maybe, tomorrow I'll wear my white puma's with little rhinestones on the side. MODERATION?! I am so much better than before. Oh, once I found these really cute puma's with a purple stripe, THE SAILOR says "those don't really look like you" ahem, oh really... Guess what? He totally dig's 'em now.

    And as far as "Enjoy your time with your husband now, because he will never find you attractive again." Eff that...The Sailor still makes my heart go boom, and he tells me that I am sexier, more beautiful and even more fun to be around two kids, stuff and ten years later.

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  26. I just found you through 'You Know It Happens At Your House Too.' I'm so glad I did!

    I constantly berate myself over my changed body (two kids). After reading this, I'm feeling all confident and shit. <3

    *You have a new follower*

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  27. BUMPY = AWESOME! You look amazing and I am pretty sure that is only gonna amplify with every glowing day! Licks and Hugs!
    Devan

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  28. You look adorable! You are rocking that bump :)

    Anne
    www.allaboutelizabeth-anne.blogspot.com

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  29. :) You called it Bumpster! (I will call it bumpster and it will be my bumpity) Nothing has made me happier in months. Any how, you know I back your decision to remain sexy despite pregnancy! Hey...where do these people think MILF's come from? Not from spitting one out, eating bon bons and wearing moo moo's. It comes from hard work, determination and shit...the natural, healthy pregnancy rarely ends in complete destruction of all that is sexy and beautiful. My 55 year old mother has always remained in a size 5 after two children. I weigh now what I weighed my senior year in highschool and that's after two children and putting on an insane 80lbs, then working my ass to get it off. (the kids didn't do it to me either...I did with eating one meal a day and that being two McDoubles) Nothing wrong with emotions due to your body changing, just as much as it can be a little frustrating you may also experience the wonderfully distorted self image in the second trimester of "i'm the sexiest woman on planet earth"! I absolutely loved those times personally. People who put you down or give you threats of you're going to turn into this hideous blob of motherly goo are simply threatened by the fact there are women who don't. People also forget the baby part? Only ends up weighing from 5-10 lbs in the end. Anything else is fluid, uterus and fat. I am curious however....what do vegepeople do for extra protein while pregnant?

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  30. You are Vainglorious and SHALL be once the Bumpalah has arrived. Hell, at 50, having gone through a full pregnancy, I wear 5" heels, have a better body than I did in my MOST of my 20's, and ALL of my 30's and 40's... and so vainglorious lives on!!!!!!

    pffft~ on the naysayers and those who suck the bitter lemon of life. I say add some sugah and sip the luscious love of life.

    *mwah*

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  31. Damn. I love the Katy fashion show when you post pics of yourself. I want you to be my personal stylist. When I was pregnant, I loved just giving my body up to the process. That was how I could deal with explosive weight gain- plus the fact that I was painfully exhausted at all times helped. Isn't it CRAZY what some women choose to say to you when you are pregnant that they feel will be helpful to you?

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  32. I remember those days, hon. Here's a little present for ya...https://mychicbump.wordpress.com/2012/07/24/simply-chic/...and I love the blog! Refreshingly honest and written with a healthy sense of humor about life and lush-iousness. But your message is never clouded by it and that is what makes it one of the very few blogs I actually look forward to reading ;)

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  33. :( hmmmm guess my comment and cheers yesterday didn't go through.

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  34. You're going to re-define this Preggo-thing! Rock on, little mama!

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  35. Love everything about this. Especially you. Xoxo

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  36. You rock mama! Tell the haters to go clean the house its a great work out! After three beautiful babies in 5 years (my last chubba being 9lbs) I can say I am smaller then I have ever been!!! Taking care of kids and having ocd and needing things to be spotless o yeah I get one hell of a workout and yes. Hell yes I wear heels!!! Keep on keeping cute!!! You beautiful thing!!!

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  37. Yep - totally hear you! I don't know if you're a yoga fan (you sure seem like you WOULD be, but I haven't heard you talk about it, so I don't know??) but I don't know what I would do during pregnancy without it. Safe way to keep me feeling good and somewhat toned....though let me tell you at some point there is just this line and ..... you cross it. And it's somewhat terrifying, to be honest (will I EVER look the way I used to?? Good god, this child is HEAVY!), but at the same time it's so exciting and exhilarating and phenomenal because it means the baby is growing and is healthy. With twins, this must start so much earlier in the process! Healthy is beautiful - and you've got that going for you - inside and out.

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