Thursday, December 13, 2012

Things I Love Thursday - Part 61

Dear Sweet Grandmama has written you a Schmolidays letter (please go here if you don't know who Grandmama is - it's important to know what the hell is going on, trust me.  Oh and of course, I have a disclaimer at the end.  THANKS!) 

Without further ado --- The Thing I Love this Thursday is GRANDMAMA. Yes, I love this old broad and her judgements and disapproval.  AHEM AHEM AHEM ---

Dear "Divers" (as this trampy tramp Katy likes to call you),

Well, It's been a banner disgraceful year here at the Dumpster Household.  The "lady" of the house spread her legs wide for the devil science and got herself DOUBLY knocked up.  Twins are an abomination!  In Vitro is an abomination!  Shameful really.  She has literally let HUNDREDS, MAYBE THOUSANDS gaze into her Hooha to get a look at the goods and has absolutely no shame about it.  I heard at the hospital, they were laughing and joking during all this baby making nonsense and I am horrified!  There were so many women just traipsing through the hospital all TRYING DESPERATELY TO GET KNOCKED UP!  In my day, we never tried to get knocked up.  You had the demon sex and you didn't enjoy it and you got pregnant and YOU HID IT FROM THE WORLD AND FELT ASHAMED until you pushed out yet another screaming GIFT FROM GOD.

This trampy tramp Katy CELEBRATES her big round belly by wearing tight clothing and *shudders* defining "maternity skinny jeans" whatever that abomination is.  AND SHE DANCES.  Continually.  Just try to get her to stop shaking her rear. The only thing that could be worse is if she hadn't tricked and married that extremely tall, good looking gentleman she somehow landed despite being a giant hussy who does nothing but TRAMP AROUND in BRIGHT RED LIPSTICK and short dresses and those god awful high heels she favors and refuses to give up even though her belly sticks out two feet in front of her.  SHAMEFUL. 

Did I mention I can't believe that tall handsome gentleman even married her 3 years ago?  I mean obviously he's under some spell of the devil to even consider it and the fact that he stays with her, well, there's got to be some voodoo devil nonsense at work!  But I digress.  That lovely tall tall gentleman is really my special friend here along with the lovely Sally Boy Kitty and Eliza Jane Doolittle.  If only that trampy tramp Katy would get the hell out of our sainted home, we could all be much happier and holier. 

Speaking of Sally Boy, we have had many many tea parties and gossip sessions and beauty makeunders while trampy tramp is out in THE WORKFORCE - shameful.  SHAMEFUL.  She dresses and goes on the public train to a job where she EARNS MONEY and has insurance and asserts herself.  CAN YOU EVEN IMAGINE? 

Anyway, I try and try with Sally Boy to get him to understand what a horrid example of a real woman that trampy tramp is, but every day, like clockwork he is at the door meowyelling acting all easy with affection for her when she walks in the door.  SHE LEAVES HER HOME FOR 11 HOURS A DAY!  She is not home cooking and cleaning and doing her womanly duty.  In fact, her lovely husband (that I could take care of a whole lot better than she does) does more of that type of thing than she does.  She is out EARNING *shudders* MONEY. 

LOOK AT THIS - both kitties on that trampy tramps HUGE belly.  They love her even though she is a hussy.  I try and try with these cats but they keep going back in!

This is my daily life.  I am locked in a jewelry box and forced to be muffled as to criticism when I AM ONLY TRYING TO HELP HER NOT TO BE SO TERRIBLY TRAMPY!  But does she appreciate me?  NO.  No, she does not.  She tells me to zip it and locks me in even tighter.  I WILL NOT BE SILENCED!

Well, I will tell you, "Divers" that this next year it's all going to hell.  She is so excited for her two devil science babies to come but she is going to crumble, I tell you.  I will laugh and laugh when she cries and tells me how difficult it is and then, when those babies smile at me and think I'm pretty and shiny, I will somehow deflect them.  I don't want any sticky baby fingers on me.  These babies will be the tipping point in this house, I will tell you right now.  MARK MY WORDS. I will not soften on this.  Those babies are no good.  No good can come from devil science babies!  Unless somehow they are really wonderful and then, well all bets are off.  Who can resist a baby or even two?

Oh well, another year, another terrible development in the Dumpster Household.  How I ever ended up in this mess I'll never know.  My wish for all of you is that you stay away from the devil science, hold your tongues and keep your bosoms, thoughts and opinions HIDDEN.  Happy Christmas to all and if you don't like it, you don't love America! 


DISCLAIMER - Katy is not responsible for the thoughts and opinions expressed here as Grandmama is a total loose cannon and really has no idea what she's on about. 


  1. ROFLMAO!!! Oh, how I love Grandmama! She is so wonderful, and reminds me so much of my dear Gramma. Thank you for the laugh today! <3

  2. You are so awesome. In fact, I think you have awesome-sauce for blood. Seriously. Big hugs and lotsa love!!

  3. Poor, poor Grandmama... always being shamed by your trampieness. Red Lipstick? Working outside the home? Riding the train by yourself? Wearing pants of all things???

    For shame Katy... FOR SHAME!!!

    Merry Christmas Grandmama!!!

  4. Grandmama called you a hussy lmao i was just waiting for it! hee hee love the belly pic by the way, those silly cats dont know whats coming!

  5. Oh my gob, your belly. So beautiful! I'm betting that Grandmama will come around as soon as those babies pop out. She's right. Who can resist a baby or two? ;)

  6. Lol, "devil science babies"- you are hilarious! Merry Christmas to Grandmama :)

  7. I was laughing after the first sentence! Love grandmama! Loves too you too!


  8. LOL Love it, thanks for the laugh! Hahaha! I have twin myself (though not "science" devil babies, but they act like little devil babies non the less hahahahaha)

    I say, good luck to you, and to uh Grandmama too LOL

  9. Grandmama it's been AGES! Tsk tsk tsk see how those trampy tramps are. For shame SHAMMEEEE she should be in the kitchen making hubby's dinner if she knew what's good for her.

    P.S. That last picture is adorable!

  10. Devil Science babies! Trampy tramp! I love Grandmama!

  11. Grandmama will be no match for the adorable-ness of your "Devil-Science" babies. MARK MY WORDS!! LOL!!
    I love me some Grandmama!!

  12. I imagined Grandmama's entire Schmolidays letter being read in the voice of Mrs. White, the mother from Stephen King's "CARRIE" that weird?? I also imagined that she would smell of the 'Navy' brand perfume that you can purchase at a Walgreens cosmetics counter. And cat. You wanna hate the bitch, but you gotta love her.

  13. Bahahahaha! Loved it! *I* had to go take my meds to make sure *I* didn't write this (you know, the early -onset dementia and all....) I, too sadly have a Katy (but her name in my 'story' is Christa...and I'm gonna be the Grandmama of AT LEAST TWO DEVIL SPAWN, Also! (might we be living in a parallel uni?) AND...oh dear...if we are...ya better get an EPT test for anyone else who is "knocked" up in YOUR family...cause my OTHER Daughter is "in a family way" as well...Well when it pours :) Loved your story...and thank you for the dumpster pics! ROFL!!!!