Without further ado --- The Thing I Love this Thursday is GRANDMAMA. Yes, I love this old broad and her judgements and disapproval. AHEM AHEM AHEM ---
Dear "Divers" (as this trampy tramp Katy likes to call you),
This trampy tramp Katy CELEBRATES her big round belly by wearing tight clothing and *shudders* defining "maternity skinny jeans" whatever that abomination is. AND SHE DANCES. Continually. Just try to get her to stop shaking her rear. The only thing that could be worse is if she hadn't tricked and married that extremely tall, good looking gentleman she somehow landed despite being a giant hussy who does nothing but TRAMP AROUND in BRIGHT RED LIPSTICK and short dresses and those god awful high heels she favors and refuses to give up even though her belly sticks out two feet in front of her. SHAMEFUL.
Did I mention I can't believe that tall handsome gentleman even married her 3 years ago? I mean obviously he's under some spell of the devil to even consider it and the fact that he stays with her, well, there's got to be some voodoo devil nonsense at work! But I digress. That lovely tall tall gentleman is really my special friend here along with the lovely Sally Boy Kitty and Eliza Jane Doolittle. If only that trampy tramp Katy would get the hell out of our sainted home, we could all be much happier and holier.
Speaking of Sally Boy, we have had many many tea parties and gossip sessions and beauty makeunders while trampy tramp is out in THE WORKFORCE - shameful. SHAMEFUL. She dresses and goes on the public train to a job where she EARNS MONEY and has insurance and asserts herself. CAN YOU EVEN IMAGINE?
LOOK AT THIS - both kitties on that trampy tramps HUGE belly. They love her even though she is a hussy. I try and try with these cats but they keep going back in!
This is my daily life. I am locked in a jewelry box and forced to be muffled as to criticism when I AM ONLY TRYING TO HELP HER NOT TO BE SO TERRIBLY TRAMPY! But does she appreciate me? NO. No, she does not. She tells me to zip it and locks me in even tighter. I WILL NOT BE SILENCED!
Well, I will tell you, "Divers" that this next year it's all going to hell. She is so excited for her two devil science babies to come but she is going to crumble, I tell you. I will laugh and laugh when she cries and tells me how difficult it is and then, when those babies smile at me and think I'm pretty and shiny, I will somehow deflect them. I don't want any sticky baby fingers on me. These babies will be the tipping point in this house, I will tell you right now. MARK MY WORDS. I will not soften on this. Those babies are no good. No good can come from devil science babies! Unless somehow they are really wonderful and then, well all bets are off. Who can resist a baby or even two?
Oh well, another year, another terrible development in the Dumpster Household. How I ever ended up in this mess I'll never know. My wish for all of you is that you stay away from the devil science, hold your tongues and keep your bosoms, thoughts and opinions HIDDEN. Happy Christmas to all and if you don't like it, you don't love America!
DISCLAIMER - Katy is not responsible for the thoughts and opinions expressed here as Grandmama is a total loose cannon and really has no idea what she's on about.