Thursday, August 30, 2012

Things I Love Thursday - Part 50

It's that thing that makes it impossible for me to watch reality TV and laugh at people or think, "I am so much better off than they are."  I'm not.  I often say that the longer I'm sober, the less I know.  And what I mean by that is, I am no one to judge anybody else.  COMPASSION is the Thing I Love this Thursday.

I didn't learn it in church or in school.  I learned HOW TO judge people in those places.   I had to re-learn and train myself based on my own experiences. 

It's not my right to tell others how to be sober, how to parent, how to get pregnant, how to eat, how to dress, how to live or how to die.  I have opinions, I have moments where I am outraged, but it's not my place to put that on other people.  I struggle with this.  I don't eat animals, but I don't put that on other people.  Ever.  And I demand the same in return from people.  Or we have problems. 

I tend to wonder, "how would I react if someone said, did, thought this to or about me?" before I act.  If the answer is not kindly, I try not to do it.  This is new behavior for me, just in the last few years.  And it takes a lot of practice. 

Compassion to me means letting people live their lives and not criticising them for that.  People I meet in real life, on the Internet or just see on TV or read about.  It needs to happen everywhere for me.  And the miracle really is, that it's happening. I feel it.  I feel that compassion even if I don't necessarily understand what this person's life is like or what their choices are about.  Compassion is not agreement.  It is not condoning or even accepting the person's choices and behaviors.  It is simply having the grace and the moment of, THIS IS HOW IT IS FOR THIS PERSON AND MAYBE THEY DON'T KNOW ANY BETTER.  Maybe they are having a really hard time and weren't always like this.  We all can understand that, right? 

I find myself CRINGING at pictures on the Internet that just make fun of people.  That somehow say, look at how stupid this person is compared to me.  To us.  That's bullshit.  That is when I unlike people and pages. 

If you were to see pictures of me when I was out of my mind on booze, hell even some pictures of me today when I have on a skirt that is too short or my underwear CLEARLY shows through my clothes, you might think you are better than me.  That's your prerogative, sure, but I can't live that way any longer.  It feels too damn good to have compassion.   

Laughing or criticising the misfortune of others is a lowly lowly sport.  I don't have any tolerance  for that. If you are reading my blog and you are not an addict or alcoholic or a SUPPORTER of us changing our lives, you can leave right now.  I'm taking a stand.   If you want to give me a hard time for not eating animals, goodbye.  We don't have to all agree on everything, but we need to respect each other.

COMPASSION is something that I had to learn.  It didn't come naturally to me.  I had compassion for people who were JUST LIKE ME.  But that was it.  Growing up in a suburb where everyone was just like us made me oblivious to "others".  Then I became "other".  And it's the best thing that ever happened to me. 

Now, I'm developing this compassion for everyone.  Even if I am completely different from them, it doesn't make them bad and me good.  Compassion is hardest when you need to show it for people you absolutely don't understand or couldn't possibly relate to.  That's the test.  Sometimes I pass and sometimes I fail.  I am working on it.  I want to teach my kids this compassion.  For all.  Not just some.  Not just those we deem worthy.  We are all worthy.  I want my kids to be shown compassion and to show compassion.  That's something I need to lead by example in doing every day.  All the time.

COMPASSION is not always easy.  It's not natural for me.  But it's getting to be more and more so the more I practice. Biting my tongue in some cases and jumping into other cases is how I'm learning we can all do better and be better for ALL OF US.  We all exist together.  We just do.  We can make it more difficult or we can make it more loving.  Today I choose more loving and more COMPASSION.  What do you choose?

40 comments:

  1. Beautiful. I wish more people understood this. Live your life, girl.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Love it. Its a good way to live, and I only wish everyone in my life could think this way. Mmmmwah

    ReplyDelete
  3. Lovely! I started getting better at this when I became a mom. I was that girl thinking "oh my kids will never do that...never act like that ect" Boy did I have a rude awakening! I just hope now I can be a good example to my kids and teach them everyone is different in how they live their lives and it might not be what I would do, but that's totally ok! :)

    ReplyDelete
  4. This tilt makes me want to judge you. ;) loave you! -chunk

    ReplyDelete
  5. I (not so shockingly) loved this whole post, but this is where I got something in both my eyes:

    Sometimes I pass and sometimes I fail. I am working on it. I want to teach my kids this compassion. For all. Not just some. Not just those we deem worthy. We are all worthy.

    Same here. I think about how my mom wanted me to have compassion for even the people who hurt her, or hurt me, and I want to be like that. I think that compassion, though it sometimes feels like a curse and isn't as shakable as it could be, is probably the greatest gift my mom gave me. It's why I love blogging so much. It makes it impossible for me to go, "The world is just this one way because that is what I have seen in my day to day life!" Instead of experiencing life through my eyes alone, I'm able to see it through so many eyes.

    Sometimes I get rage-y and it takes me a little while to get back there, but I give getting back there my all . . . and I try to be quiet during the journey. Because the moments I'm most proud of my little guy are the ones where he thinks someone else is said, pats them and says, "It's okay." The fact he's not only looking but reaching out fills me with such joy and hope . . . and, holy wow, love. Oh, the love.

    Kinda like reading your posts.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Aww, Katy, your writing always make me feel better about myself! I, too, struggle with being compassionate and kind and loving, and it is so heartening to read that I am not alone in this! Just because something is hard doesn't mean we shouldn't do it. Thank you for putting this out there, it cannot be said enough. You inspire me to keep trying, and to do better. ♥

    ReplyDelete
  7. Amen Kat! You already know I love you. This is one of the reasons. I really try to live my life this way. It IS the example I want to set for my daughter. A life of happiness doesn't always happen; but, when we find happiness we need to make life happen. Hugs & love, Cyn (A.D.D. Music Mamma)

    ReplyDelete
  8. Omg... Rarely do I read something online that inspired me. Usually the self righteous, pseudo inspirational morsels I stumble upon repel me rather than touch my frigid little heart like yours has. Kudos, ma'am
    Your new but enthralled follower,
    Meg

    ReplyDelete
  9. This is wonderful.

    As for those pictures on the Internet that people mock, my fear is that one day I'll see myself. Not that I'll relate to the picture, but that I'll literally see myself. I'll have worn something unflattering or be picking a wedgie or tripping over something imaginary and someone will catch it on their cell phone and it will go viral. We took a world in which most people do not have the compassion that you have, and we gave them the ability to share with the world that which previously could only be pointed out to the person standing next to them.

    I guess I don't have much compassion for people who post embarrassing photos of others. I'll try to work on that.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Every day, I find something else to admire about you. This is a spectacular example. hugs to you, the babies, and DH.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Replies
    1. When I entered that comment, this is the message I received: "Ihr Kommentar wird nach der Freigabe sichtbar."
      HOW COOL IS THAT?!?

      Delete
  12. Great post! The quicker folks learn love and acceptance, the quicker this world will be a better place. Very peace, love and tie dye here. As soon as I get to a real computer I'm sharing! Stoopid iPhone. :). Smoochies.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Love this post! I'm a 12-Stepper too (Al-Anon) and my program has taught me to let go of trying to control others & trying to make others see it my way. It's not my business what anyone thinks of me! I love that I, too, have the precious few seconds of clarity in my head now to stop and think about how my actions & words can affect another person and I can take the time to reflect if I am speaking out of turn to try to change someone or if I am coming from the truest, honest, lovingest part of my soul. I love all your posts and enjoy hearing your perspective. We all have hard battles to fight and it's nice to be reminded of that too. Thank you!

    ReplyDelete
  14. I'm a child of an addict. Do I judge or blame him? No, I never did. I loved him just the same. Did he miss out on a lot of my life? Yes, he did. All of that changed the day of my wedding when he showed up, unexpectedly. He and my mom walked me down the aisle. It was important for me to allow him that. I am his only child.
    Our relationship since has been good. He loves his two granddaughters, which is all I'll ever ask of him.
    Thank you for writing this. I'm gonna go call my dad : )

    ReplyDelete
  15. I sound so redundant but...I just love you to pieces. You help me maintain my sanity. You make me laugh. You show me the world thru your eyes & it is do refreshing. Thank you!
    KeetaKat

    ReplyDelete
  16. Make love not war. You're going retro and I love it. :-)

    ReplyDelete
  17. I simply adore you. You are one amazing spaz-tastic woman!! I come from a family full of addicts. But unfortunately they are all in denial. Your blog continues to inspire me. I cannot wait to see pictures of Hall & Oates once they are born!! I look forward to seeing your photos and hearing about them daily. You are going to be one amazing momma! Looking forward to reading about your adventures in motherhood! I'm sure they will be amazing!!! -Sarah D.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Fantastic post! I think about judgement and compassion a lot. We all judge others constantly. It's not our job or business to do that in any way. Really enjoy your blog!

    ReplyDelete
  19. I really love this entry. Compassion is one of my secret weapons. I figure, if I'm always striving for kindness, I'm sort of doing my job here on Earth. Since nobody will know that I am writing this, I can tell you that being kind on the down low is my MO. I was talking with a friend from HS and she said something that reminds me that being nice from your heart is super duper important. (disregard the "you were the cool one")She said: Thanks for the kind words by the way. You were the cool one, but you were always nice to everybody, including nerdy me! And always so funny. I'll carry that in my heart forever.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Do you plan on letting the Bumpsters attend open meetings? And if it's none of my business to know I'm not offended by you saying so. My experience is this...I'm sure you know as well, how sometimes it seems that we get the privledge of learning some things in the rooms that "earth peoples" do not get. My two boys were practically raised in the rooms early on, I had no job, and no babysitter of course so my children were "NA Babies"....Some people agree with that and some say they have no business there, but I don't take my kids to church because I personally don't want to subject them to it, so the program sort of took on fullfillment of spiritual fellowship for my entire family. Any how, one day I went to my kindergarteners class to help volunteer. I was in the copy room and this teacher came up to me and said "are you Izac's mom?" I said yes, and she said "I want you to know that you have raised the most amazing, sweet and compassionate boy I've ever met...I was subbing their class the other day and we were talking about mother's day and how I no longer had my mother, he came right up to me after class and asked if he could give me a hug,and said that he was so sorry I had lost my mother" (He was 5) I welled up with tears and knew it had not only to do with me, but a village of people practicing these things that I could never practice on my own. Together, we taught my children compassion, empathy, anonymity and all those other wonderful things. And you are absolutely correct! It is a beautiful thing to be able to feel compassion...it doesn't come easy. A little side joke about kids raised in meeting halls... My oldest, now 13 said from the back of the car one day, "mom, there's one thing I don't get...why are "CUCUMBERS" the most important person at any meeting?" :) Your children are going to be so full of awesome because the foundation you have built for them.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Compassion seems like the second rarest thing next to common sense. Thank you for putting this up. I know I've been one of those "look at her" people before. And it's just wrong. I've gotten to a point in my life where I realized how much meaningless stuff like that and non-stop drama suck the life out of me. It's an every day battle, but it's a fight worth going through.

    ReplyDelete
  22. good post sister. I also don't want reality shows for largely the same reasons. Sometimes I wonder if I'm just not funny because I don't laugh at many of the same things other people do but when I think about it, it usually involves someone else being made fun of. two thumbs up!

    ReplyDelete
  23. these words ring so true to me "I didn't learn it in church or in school. I learned HOW TO judge people in those places. I had to re-learn and train myself based on my own experiences. "
    its sad but the institutions that are supposed to make us better human beings actually just make us more informed and opinionated. i agree with you, compassion is a way of living. Its to be extended to everyone we come in contact with and at all times. Its not always easy and yes! it takes practice :) lovely post

    ReplyDelete
  24. Ohmyword....love-love-love this. Stalk you very much after finding you blog:)

    ReplyDelete
  25. Just stumbled on your blog. It is awesome. I'm a mother of four, 1/2 the team are twins. Just celebrated 2 years of sobriety. Very exciting. Thanks for sharing.

    ReplyDelete
  26. You know I have been following your blog and fb page for almost a year now and this is the first time I have ever left a comment. This post was.....brilliant. You are such a marvelous inspiration and you actually bring so much positivity and happiness to my life. You make me so much more conscious of how I treat the rest of the people around me. Not saying that I don't already strive to be compassionate, but I forget sometimes how easy it is to be. The world can sometimes get you down and your words remind me that it is truly possible to be the change that you want to see. So I guess all I wanted to say was thank you. Keep writing. Some of us need you.

    ReplyDelete
  27. I love this post, it is how I try to live my life, I don't always succeed, but I do try! You are an inspiration and a role model and I love your posts :)

    ReplyDelete
  28. <3 is all I can say.. Ive been a fan of this page for a while, before I started my own.. I have 4 little ones and rescues. So glad youre finally getting what you wished for :)

    ReplyDelete
  29. Unless someone walks on water to judge me, it don't mean crap to me. No judging others because they sin differently than you!

    ReplyDelete
  30. Beautiful! Man, it does take some practice...doesn't it? Every day is a new day to try again...and try to be better.
    Thank you so much for this post!!!! Love it.

    ReplyDelete
  31. Out of the blue two days ago I found compassion. It happened while I was meditating and it was very profound. Also it's important to have compassion for yourself first, then others. But I found your post on google images while searching for song lyrics about a hillbilly family tree, and it blew my mind as for the timing and way I found it. Thank you.

    ReplyDelete