We all recovered from that revelation? OK, good.
I liken this whole being a mama thing for the first time to sobriety and how I am certainly not the first person to get sober and to try to help other people get sober WHEN THEY ASK FOR HELP. Not unsolicited, mind you. I ain't no door to door salesman on sobriety, or babies. Or ANYTHING for that matter, because nobody likes that and it gets doors slammed in your face everywhere you go. Lead by example is always the best way to be, in my experience.
The mamas I know that I admire don't tell me how or what I should be doing. They just do their deal and I watch and admire and try to soak up their awesomeness. And they don't keep saying "JUST WAIT UNTIL YOU HAVE POOP EVERYWHERE and THINGS ARE MISERABLE AND YOU NEVER SLEEP AGAIN." They let me experience every feeling I feel for the first time and don't try to squelch my joy about it. They let me experience it myself. And isn't that what we all want? To feel and experience life as it comes and not have someone TELL US what we are going to see and do and feel? We can form those reactions on our own, thankyouverymuch.
I ASK QUESTIONS. Some of the mamas in my life are sick to death of my questions, I am sure, but they are patient and kind and let me ask and deal with my ignorance in a loving way. I am so fortunate to have online and real life friends who I admire and who let me ask anything and share my every thought and feeling with them and they are just joyful with me. I am so so grateful for that.
SO, I kind of think of mamas, and papas for that matter, I admire as Sponsors. Or at least people I really really admire in the program of AA and I WANT WHAT THEY HAVE. See where I'm going with this?
People write and tell me they are drunks and OH MY GOD TELL ME WHAT TO DO! You all know what I say, I say GO TO AN AA MEETING. What do you have to lose? That's ALWAYS my answer. Even after reading my blog all this time where I extol the virtues of the program in helping me get and stay sober, be happy joyous and free, PEOPLE DO NOT WANT TO DO THE WORK. They don't want to go to AA meetings and certainly don't want to do the hard work of the 12 steps. Or really change anything about their lives because it's all WORKING OUT SO GREAT RIGHT NOW. Because that's fine for you Katy, but not for me. BUT HOW DO I GET THE HAPPINESS THAT YOU HAVE? See what I am dealing with here? They still think they are different and can do it on their own. I cannot do the work for you. AND IT IS HARD.
Most of the time I never hear from them again. But sometimes I hear back and people say they went and they are doing better. Not everything is all fixed and life is perfect and we're all skipping along singing Kumbaya better, but better.
The THING I LOVE THIS THURSDAY is that so many have walked before me in both being a drunk and having babies. You never truly know an experience until you walk through it yourself but there are basic structures in place to guide us. We don't have to wander blindly because people are there to take our hand and lead the way. If we let them.
I leave you with some structured goodness from our Infant CPR class we took the other night.
|I had this little guy.|
|And Dumpster Husband had this little guy.|
EQUALLY TERRIFYING. And there were two of them.
The fact that one was black and one was white is delicious.
If you've ever been in one of these classes you know this line, "BABY, BABY, ARE YOU OK?" Well the answer is NO, and you go through the whole CPR strategy and hopefully get them breathing again. Now, say a lady wears her red red lipstick everywhere she goes and has to breathe into a baby's mouthholes and noseholes to get them breathing? You best wipe that shit off before diving in. Which I did...and we have this plastic mouth shield thing, because, you know, germs. GROSS.
The best part was this video that the nurse leading the class played so we compress the tiny baby's chest to the beat, THIS BEAT:
ALSO, I am almost 26 weeks pregnant and as we were sitting in that class, I SAW my stomach moving for the first time. Like punches. From my little girl, is my guess. I started giggling so hard and loud and grabbed my husband's hand, but of course she stopped. We are now playing the game of OH THERE IT IS! and then no, it's gone. He'll feel it soon. He's got to. They are dancing up a STORM in there. Woke me up at 5 am with their shenanigans. WHY I OUGHTA......
This Thursday, I am grateful and in love with those who walk before me with grace and dignity and love and patience. In sobriety and in babydom. I salute you!