Thursday, October 11, 2012

Things I Love Thursday - Part 55

I have a SHOCKING ANNOUNCEMENT.  I am not the first person to ever have babies. Take a moment. I know, I know.  I should have given you more warning, but there it is. 

We all recovered from that revelation?  OK, good.

I liken this whole being a mama thing for the first time to sobriety and how I am certainly not the first person to get sober and to try to help other people get sober WHEN THEY ASK FOR HELP.  Not unsolicited, mind you.  I ain't no door to door salesman on sobriety, or babies.  Or ANYTHING for that matter, because nobody likes that and it gets doors slammed in your face everywhere you go.  Lead by example is always the best way to be, in my experience. 

The mamas I know that I admire don't tell me how or what I should be doing.  They just do their deal and I watch and admire and try to soak up their awesomeness.  And they don't keep saying "JUST WAIT UNTIL YOU HAVE POOP EVERYWHERE and THINGS ARE MISERABLE AND YOU NEVER SLEEP AGAIN."  They let me experience every feeling I feel for the first time and don't try to squelch my joy about it.  They let me experience it myself.  And isn't that what we all want?  To feel and experience life as it comes and not have someone TELL US what we are going to see and do and feel?  We can form those reactions on our own, thankyouverymuch.

I ASK QUESTIONS.  Some of the mamas in my life are sick to death of my questions, I am sure, but they are patient and kind and let me ask and deal with my ignorance in a loving way.  I am so fortunate to have online and real life friends who I admire and who let me ask anything and share my every thought and feeling with them and they are just joyful with me.  I am so so grateful for that. 

SO, I kind of think of mamas, and papas for that matter, I admire as Sponsors.  Or at least people I really really admire in the program of AA and I WANT WHAT THEY HAVE.  See where I'm going with this?

People write and tell me they are drunks and OH MY GOD TELL ME WHAT TO DO! You all know what I say, I say GO TO AN AA MEETING.  What do you have to lose? That's ALWAYS my answer.  Even after reading my blog all this time where I extol the virtues of the program in helping me get and stay sober, be happy joyous and free, PEOPLE DO NOT WANT TO DO THE WORK.  They don't want to go to AA meetings and certainly don't want to do the hard work of the 12 steps.  Or really change anything about their lives because it's all WORKING OUT SO GREAT RIGHT NOW.   Because that's fine for you Katy, but not for me.  BUT HOW DO I GET THE HAPPINESS THAT YOU HAVE?  See what I am dealing with here?  They still think they are different and can do it on their own. I cannot do the work for you.  AND IT IS HARD. 

Most of the time I never hear from them again.  But sometimes I hear back and people say they went and they are doing better.  Not everything is all fixed and life is perfect and we're all skipping along singing Kumbaya better, but better.

The THING I LOVE THIS THURSDAY is that so many have walked before me in both being a drunk and having babies. You never truly know an experience until you walk through it yourself but there are basic structures in place to guide us. We don't have to wander blindly because people are there to take our hand and lead the way. If we let them.

I leave you with some structured goodness from our Infant CPR class we took the other night. 
I had this little guy.

And Dumpster Husband had this little guy.
EQUALLY TERRIFYING.  And there were two of them. 
The fact that one was black and one was white is delicious.  

If you've ever been in one of these classes you know this line, "BABY, BABY, ARE YOU OK?"  Well the answer is NO, and you go through the whole CPR strategy and hopefully get them breathing again.  Now, say a lady wears her red red lipstick everywhere she goes and has to breathe into a baby's mouthholes and noseholes to get them breathing?  You best wipe that shit off before diving in.  Which I did...and we have this plastic mouth shield thing, because, you know, germs.  GROSS. 

The best part was this video that the nurse leading the class played so we compress the tiny baby's chest to the beat, THIS BEAT:

So when you are completely freaking out and giving CPR to your teeny tiny baby, at least you can still get your disco on.  So that's good.

ALSO, I am almost 26 weeks pregnant and as we were sitting in that class, I SAW my stomach moving for the first time.  Like punches.  From my little girl, is my guess.   I started giggling so hard and loud and grabbed my husband's hand, but of course she stopped.  We are now playing the game of OH THERE IT IS!  and then no, it's gone.  He'll feel it soon.  He's got to.  They are dancing up a STORM in there.  Woke me up at 5 am with their shenanigans.  WHY I OUGHTA......

This Thursday, I am grateful and in love with those who walk before me with grace and dignity and love and patience.  In sobriety and in babydom.  I salute you!


  1. Oh man! They still use Staying Alive?! Love it!! We did this a few years ago and I laughed, but chances are I'll not forget it. ;)

  2. Do Hall & Oates think they are in an elevator?? Thank you Ms. Kitkatkootie, you have me laughing so much I'm in tears with gratitude.
    Much love,
    Ernie F.

  3. Love it, Katy. I love your humility. You're open to new goodness that way. I do also love that video. I've watched it many times, and not once did I think of performing baby CPR to the beat. I suppose now this song may take on new meaning. Thanks for the TILT!

  4. You are amazing. You are awesome. And what do I always tell you? That's right: keep doing what you do. And, like I've said before, every woman's journey thru pregnancy is different...even the same woman who gets pregnant more than once has a different journey with each pregnancy & each child is different when they are born. Who am I to tell you what you're gonna feel or experience. I've done it 3 times. And I still don't know what I'd tell you! *snort* Keep the beat, girlie...whether it's spazzy or all disco like. And keep doing what you do. That's a large portion of why I love you. You are amazing. You are awesome. And funny...I love you for that, too.

  5. Ooh, I remember the rolling baby days! We used to call those Loch Ness sightings. Some babies are a lot wigglier than others. It's all good, I'm glad you're enjoying it.

  6. The topic last night was "How many times do you carry the message before you give up?" For those not AA-lingo savy, "carrying the message" means sharing our own experience, strength, and hope to another drunk who is tired of being drunk. It's a lot like the old saying, "You can lead a horse to water, but you can make them drink." I can place AA at your feet, but if you don't really want to get sober, you'll just step over or around it.

    "Isn't there any easier way?" is perhaps my favorite newcomer question. My answer is always, "Well, if there was, one of the millions of alcoholics that have come through these doors would have found it by now." I'm happy to say that sobriety IS my easier, softer way. It is so much easier (most of the time) to be HONEST and not have to keep track of who I told what lie to; to be ACCEPTING instead of trying to remember who I'm holding active grudges against (cause gawd forbid I accidentally say good morning to someone I forgot I hate); to not take everything SO seriously and LAUGH and LOVE and TOLERATE the hell out of people. :-)

    As for babies...I learned to boil it down to this - as long as they're still breathing, I'm doing something right. I'm not a perfect mom. I don't think such a thing exists. Some days I'm not even a GOOD mom. I get tired and selfish and impatient and isolate sometimes. Even on those days though, I'm a SOBER mama, and that's what's most important. I use the principles in the 12-Steps to raise my daughters. Kindness, compassion, humility, love, respect, service, honesty...that's what the program teaches me, so why wouldn't I want to teach that to my kids?

    You might not be the first person to ever be pregnant, but you may very well be the first one to do it and look as fabulous as you do! <3 you!

  7. You are SO awesome and funny and I just love you all to pieces. If you don't mind a little story I think you might find funny. At work that is a young married girl and she's a little over 8 months prego. She has never held a baby, babysat, been around kids etc. So, she has alot of questions which is totally understandable. Anyway she's asking this other young mother (remeber how far along she is) she says "well, he has hands now doesn't he?" Hahahaha I almost busted a gut.

    Hugs to you and DH and espcially Hall & Oats! Oh and if you can slip a hug to YJ that would be swell, but I understand about the work thing :) Ruth Burkett

  8. You'd be a facking millionaire if you could bottle up your awesome-ass positivity and optimism and sell it. I'd buy some. =)

    So happy for how far you've come (with all of it).



  9. I just wanna say that I didn't finish reading this yet, but I have such great respect and love for you! My momma raised me NEWLY sober, I am 26 now with two of my own, and my mommy just celebrated 19 years sober. I am so proud of her, and proud to be her daughter. Onto my next comment....if you do ever have questions I am totally available, I've raised two boys they aren18 months apart and I have a lot of experience with being the child being raised my the sober mom. I also have helped raise my 9 y/o sister, and I have seen howmy momma has raised her a little different with more sobriety under the belt. I am sure you will be an awesome mom too, just from reading all your thoughts, stories, and experience, you remind me of then cool aunt I have that lives too far away, which if u knew her you would be super flattered!! Much love!

  10. Lovely, wonderful, beautiful, joyous. You amaze me, lady. You are going to be the bestest mama. So much love.

  11. As always I am laughing my ass off! Just nominated you for the Versatile blogger award! Please stop by to grab your award badge and leave a comment there to let me know you got it. Congrats!

  12. Even though almost every woman experiences pregnancy and is still SO AMAZING!! Savor every bit of it. Also, I added you to my blogroll. Hope you don't mind!

  13. That's why I love reading so much. I'll see something written by someone else and have this physical response: "Wait, that's not just me?" The words remind me we are all experiencing joy and suffering, often from very like experiences or situations, and that the suffering part often isn't as hard when we open ourselves up to the right words/experiences. Like yours.