I have had two connections with two different women in the last few days that have stayed with me.
Connection Number 1:
Last Saturday we were at a store and I saw a woman with a double stroller, just like we want, with twins, so I JUMPED ON TOP OF HER AND WRASSLED HER TO THE DEATH AND THE VICTOR GOT THE STROLLER. I mean, I stopped her and nicely asked, "where did you get that stroller?"
This woman seemed happy to chat, and I asked about her babies and said we were expecting twins and were at 24 weeks. She said HER BABIES WERE BORN AT 24 WEEKS. And they were 1 pound each. My heart about stopped. I got tears in my eyes as I so often do these days and she was just beaming back at me. Looking at her two healthy and smiley, yet small babies, I asked, "how are you now?" She replied, "we are good." With a great big smile of gratitude on her face. I touched her shoulders and said, "I am so glad to hear that." I wanted to hug her. I wanted to wrap her up and tell her I loved her. Is that weird? She was radiating gratitude and happiness. I wanted to hang out with her and follow her around. SHE IS SOMEONE I WANT TO BE LIKE.
We parted ways and I just was open jawed awe struck and said to my dear sweet husband, "that would be like us having these babies RIGHT NOW." And he quietly said, "I know exactly what it means." We both had a moment of HOLY SHIT, BABIES, YOU STAY IN THERE AS LONG AS POSSIBLE, OK? And dammit we are so amazingly lucky.
Connection Number 2:
I went into the doc yesterday and had my glucose testing to see if I have gestational diabetes. Which means, you fast from the day before and then you have 3 blood tests. In the middle of them, you drink the sugar water. ACK! I also had a check up and flu shot, whooping cough shot, and ultra sounds during this time.
If you remember, I pass out during the ultra sounds, because with twins when you lay flat on your back the babes cut off the blood flow to your brain for a second or something and anyway, I pass out. I'm assured this is kind of common, so nothing to freak out about. Twice during the ultra sounds, which I really like to enjoy, KABLAMMO. I'm down for the count. AND, then I like to wake up, sit up and yell, "WAIT, TWINS? You got some splaining to do!" Then comically cross my eyes and fake pass out again. I'm a big hit over there.
Actually they are so kind to me and let me lay on my side some times, but they really can't get the images unless I'm on my back, so we do this little PASS OUT, I'M OK, game each time I have an ultra sound now.
Anyway, as you can imagine after having blood drawn twice, fasting and passing out twice in the last couple hours, by the time I encountered this mommy in the waiting room, I was a bit worse for wear. She was adorable and said, "are you about ready to eat something?" as she was doing the glucose testing too. She was 25 weeks along with a singleton, her second baby. And when I told her I was 24 weeks with twins, she YELLED, "OH MY GAWD YOU ARE TINY FOR HAVING TWINS!" And I didn't know how to respond. It wasn't intended as a compliment I don't think. But I instead changed it back to her saying, "you've done this before?" and she rolled her eyes and complained about how this pregnancy is KICKING HER ASS.
And then she went on to say, "I CAN'T IMAGINE HOW HARD IT MUST BE WITH TWINS".
I just smiled and said, "really, I'm loving every second of it." I was pretty miserable yesterday morning. Just ask my husband. I was out of it, and not feeling the greatest during all the tests, but in that moment it all snapped back to me. I just said, "we had to go through In Vitro - right across the hall here - and we had no idea we would be so lucky to have it work."
I went on to tell her our story, how my husband and I have a unique situation and the fact that it worked on our ONE SHOT, is a miracle. We have babies made of HOPE AND SCIENCE AND LOVE. And we don't take it for granted for one second as all around us we have reminders of how lucky we are. Reconciling why this is working for us when so many others are having such a hard time is a whole other struggle I'm dealing with. WHY US? I don't have an answer. My best way to deal with this is to enjoy every moment and not take it for granted for one second. My gratitude overflows at all times. Even when I feel like shit.
When I finished telling her, SHE had tears in her eyes and said, "thank you so much for telling me that. I feel so much more grateful for what I have hearing your story." And SHE came to ME and laid a hand on my shoulder. We had a moment.
It was the circle of love, hope and gratitude. We have to pass it on. We all impact each other if we are open to it. And that impact can be one of positivity and light or of negativity and sucking the joy out of each other. We are responsible for what we share and what we take on of others sharing. If I weren't sober and able to understand the role we all play for each other, I would have missed out on both of these conections, and so many others that happen every single day if we are open to them.
I leave you with this status I posted on my personal Facebook yesterday, because this is the stuff that I get to experience every day, that many out there never will. My babies are perfectly healthy right now and every time I think about that, I tear up and I am not ashamed. The girl baby was so far behind and we weren't sure for the longest time if she would hang in with us, BUT SHE IS, DAMMIT. She is exactly the same size as the boy and I am profoundly grateful.
"Found out today that it's the little girl who's little tushie is pushing so hard against my belly button. Doesn't that just figure. GIRLS! The boy is being all nice and cooperative in the perfect breech position and the girl is all WOWEEE CHECK ME OUT I CAN PUSH MY MY TUSHIE OUT THIS FAR!"