Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Two Women, Two Connections

I have had two connections with two different women in the last few days that have stayed with me.

Connection Number 1:

Last Saturday we were at a store and I saw a woman with a double stroller, just like we want, with twins, so I JUMPED ON TOP OF HER AND WRASSLED HER TO THE DEATH AND THE VICTOR GOT THE STROLLER.  I mean, I stopped her and nicely asked, "where did you get that stroller?"

This woman seemed happy to chat, and I asked about her babies and said we were expecting twins and were at 24 weeks.  She said HER BABIES WERE BORN AT 24 WEEKS.  And they were 1 pound each.  My heart about stopped.  I got tears in my eyes as I so often do these days and she was just beaming back at me.  Looking at her two healthy and smiley, yet small babies, I asked, "how are you now?"  She replied, "we are good." With a great big smile of gratitude on her face.  I touched her shoulders and said, "I am so glad to hear that."  I wanted to hug her.  I wanted to wrap her up and tell her I loved her.  Is that weird?  She was radiating gratitude and happiness.  I wanted to hang out with her and follow her around.  SHE IS SOMEONE I WANT TO BE LIKE. 

We parted ways and I just was open jawed awe struck and said to my dear sweet husband, "that would be like us having these babies RIGHT NOW."  And he quietly said, "I know exactly what it means."  We both had a moment of HOLY SHIT, BABIES, YOU STAY IN THERE AS LONG AS POSSIBLE, OK?  And dammit we are so amazingly lucky. 

Connection Number 2:

I went into the doc yesterday and had my glucose testing to see if I have gestational diabetes.  Which means, you fast from the day before and then you have 3 blood tests.  In the middle of them, you drink the sugar water.  ACK!  I also had a check up and flu shot, whooping cough shot, and ultra sounds during this time. 

If you remember, I pass out during the ultra sounds, because with twins when you lay flat on your back the babes cut off the blood flow to your brain for a second or something and anyway, I pass out.  I'm assured this is kind of common, so nothing to freak out about.  Twice during the ultra sounds, which I really like to enjoy, KABLAMMO.  I'm down for the count.  AND, then I like to wake up, sit up and yell, "WAIT, TWINS? You got some splaining to do!" Then comically cross my eyes and fake pass out again.  I'm a big hit over there. 

Actually they are so kind to me and let me lay on my side some times, but they really can't get the images unless I'm on my back, so we do this little PASS OUT, I'M OK, game each time I have an ultra sound now. 

Anyway, as you can imagine after having blood drawn twice, fasting and passing out twice in the last couple hours, by the time I encountered this mommy in the waiting room, I was a bit worse for wear.  She was adorable and said, "are you about ready to eat something?" as she was doing the glucose testing too.  She was 25 weeks along with a singleton, her second baby.  And when I told her I was 24 weeks with twins, she YELLED, "OH MY GAWD YOU ARE TINY FOR HAVING TWINS!"  And I didn't know how to respond.  It wasn't intended as a compliment I don't think.  But I instead changed it back to her saying, "you've done this before?" and she rolled her eyes and complained about how this pregnancy is KICKING HER ASS. 

And then she went on to say, "I CAN'T IMAGINE HOW HARD IT MUST BE WITH TWINS".

I just smiled and said, "really, I'm loving every second of it."  I was pretty miserable yesterday morning.  Just ask my husband.  I was out of it, and not feeling the greatest during all the tests, but in that moment it all snapped back to me.  I just said, "we had to go through In Vitro - right across the hall here - and we had no idea we would be so lucky to have it work." 

I went on to tell her our story, how my husband and I have a unique situation and the fact that it worked on our ONE SHOT, is a miracle.  We have babies made of HOPE AND SCIENCE AND LOVE.  And we don't take it for granted for one second as all around us we have reminders of how lucky we are.  Reconciling why this is working for us when so many others are having such a hard time is a whole other struggle I'm dealing with.  WHY US?  I don't have an answer.  My best way to deal with this is to enjoy every moment and not take it for granted for one second.  My gratitude overflows at all times.  Even when I feel like shit. 



When I finished telling her, SHE had tears in her eyes and said, "thank you so much for telling me that.  I feel so much more grateful for what I have hearing your story." And SHE came to ME and laid a hand on my shoulder.  We had a moment. 

It was the circle of love, hope and gratitude.  We have to pass it on.  We all impact each other if we are open to it.  And that impact can be one of positivity and light or of negativity and sucking the joy out of each other.  We are responsible for what we share and what we take on of others sharing. If I weren't sober and able to understand the role we all play for each other, I would have missed out on both of these conections, and so many others that happen every single day if we are open to them.

I leave you with this status I posted on my personal Facebook yesterday, because this is the stuff that I get to experience every day, that many out there never will.  My babies are perfectly healthy right now and every time I think about that, I tear up and I am not ashamed.  The girl baby was so far behind and we weren't sure for the longest time if she would hang in with us, BUT SHE IS, DAMMIT.  She is exactly the same size as the boy and I am profoundly grateful.

"Found out today that it's the little girl who's little tushie is pushing so hard against my belly button. Doesn't that just figure. GIRLS! The boy is being all nice and cooperative in the perfect breech position and the girl is all WOWEEE CHECK ME OUT I CAN PUSH MY MY TUSHIE OUT THIS FAR!"

26 comments:

  1. So happy to read this. So so happy. Love you. "we all impact each other if we are open to it.."

    I choose positivity and light - and you give me that daily.
    Thank you. xo love you

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  2. That little girl baby is a fighter. Just like her mama. <3

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  3. Oh Katy Kat-- Love you and those miracles in your belly, and the DH for taking sweet tender care. I'm feeling so blah today, so I think I'll just read your stuff and bask in your gratitude.
    xoxo

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  4. Great post. You and DH hang in there.....good things are yet to come.

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  5. I love this post, and *I* actually feel blessed to have stumbled upon your blog so that I could follow your incredible story and read your beautiful words. You remind me to be grateful. <3

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  6. Love you, lady. Hang in there. You're more than half way there. XoXoX

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  7. LOVE " babies made of HOPE AND SCIENCE AND LOVE". Beautiful!

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  8. Thanks for this, Katy. As I sit here with tears in my eyes, I realize how lucky I am. I'm not in a very good place {feeling wise} but this really is that reminder to try & remain grateful, positive, hopeful... all the things I forget when I am down. You, Hall, & Oates are definitely my inspiration. I have 2 wonderful, beautiful daughters that look to me <3 A BIG fb fan

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  9. It is wonderful to be reminded of my two healthy girls. My oldest was premature, but, so thankfully, healthy. Much love and joy going on in your belly! Rub it like the Buddha for me!

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  10. If you are keeping score, chalk up another time you have made me cry reading your blog. It's getting rather ridiculous. There should be a coupon for free tissues or something when you post. Happy tears. So very happy.

    I wound up talking to a cashier at a store last week who was having a really bad day and she told me her daughter-in-law had just delivered twins at 23 weeks and they were 1 pound each and their hands were the size of quarters, but they were breathing on their own even with their teeny tiny lungs and so far, the prognosis was looking really good. The flood of emotions that comes with a story like that is a whirlwind and I found myself thinking of you and the babies and I was trying to calculate quick to see how far along you were and thankfully it was right after you posted you were at 24 weeks, and I had a sigh of relief. I was grateful Hall and Oates had passed 23 weeks and I was grateful this woman's grandbabies were hanging in there. I mentioned to her that I had a friend that was currently pregnant with twins. She asked when you were due and I told her January. She teared up a little and said, "Tell her to tell those babies that if they're born before Christmas, they'll get screwed out of birthday presents every year, so they might as well stay put until the doctor says go."

    Stay hopeful. Even when it hurts.

    Love you more than you know.

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  11. Thank you!!! I needed to read this today!! Thank you 100,000x's thank you!

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  12. Mary Tyler Mom sent me here... You had me from tears to laughter in a matter of seconds! You hit it right on with the girl thing. My little monkey used to do that to me, starting right around this time last year... "Mommy, look how far I can push my butt out! I can wiggle it too! Look all mommy's coworkers, as I wiggle my butt for all of you to see!"

    I hated being pregnant because I had/still have major back and hip problems that required 45mg of morphine a day, and I chose to go off of it when I decided to get pregnant (and also while I was breastfeeding). But now, knowing that my daughter could very well be my only child, I wish I had taken your advice, and I've been feeling horribly guilty for not having enjoyed my (relatively easy other than placenta previa and the skeletal problems)pregnancy as much as I could have.

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  13. How wonderful! It is amazing the impact that others have on us- and truly mind blowing when we realize the impact we can then have on someone else. I am so giddy excited for you and the mister- and I can say that having had a girl- they are a handful from inception to...well I am still going with mine so GOOD LUCK!

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  14. I can't wait to hear you call the girl baby "my daughter," and the boy "my son." Then I'm going to have tears, too.

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  15. I love love love to read your posts, It helps me so much in my sobriety to sit back and be grateful for what I have and not sit and wish for what I don't have anymore. You have two miracles, and if miracles can happen for you they can for me too.. I just have to have faith and do the next right thing. I so needed to hear this today thanks Katy for being so real and candid with your blog. You help so many with it!

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  16. Katy, you are my daily reminder to be grateful. And I need it, & I need YOU! STILL recovering from major stomach surgery in August there have been MANY days as of late that I've felt completely overwhelmed being a SAHM of two boys, one 30 months & the other 13. It's a CHALLENGE!
    And then you remind me...& it's a blessing again. Neither boy should be here. The first was planned after a miscarriage after having been told I couldn't have babies at all. I've shared before with you that after having 2 adult children, one of the "bonuses" (if you will) for Papa Bear was knowing I couldn't have babies & I was ok with that, til we found out I obviously could, even though we miscarried. But he selflessly allowed us to try again...& we were blessed with a T-Bear. It was a very risky pregnancy & I held my breath the whole time. G-Bear was unplanned but very welcome & I had many complications. At around 34 wks I was admitted & wound up in the hospital 13 days total. He was born via c-section on my 9th day in, spent 4 days in the N.I.C.U. & was given a clean bill of health & almost beat me home! 5 weeks premature! So the next time I'm feeling overwhelmed I need to stfu & remember I AM BLESSED! And again, YOU do that for me! Love your face! Thank you...thank you...thank you! (See what I posted for your costume to your wall?)
    ~Krista Keeta Kat Martin

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  17. I should specify better...2 kids under 3, one is 30 months, one is 13 months. And...OMG sorry for the book!
    ~Krista Keeta Kat Martin

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  18. I am so looking forward to these stories as your pregnancy moves along. You are going to be the best mom.

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  19. You always seem to make me go from sniffles and I need a tissue to laughing my ass off. Looks like your little girl is already shaking her tushie LOL. Least she's dancing around and keeping up with her big brother. Course he's probably plotting ways to get back at her already. You are definitely blessed to have two beautiful little ones playing let's make mommy pass out.

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  20. My baby made of HOPE, SCIENCE AND LOVE will be 14 years old next month! We are so very blessed to have her! Hall & Oates are very lucky they are getting such awesome parents!!

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  21. I just love the shit outta this! And you!!

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  22. This brought tears to my eyes. I love you!

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  23. 23 week babies! Eeeek. Keep 'em in there baking for a while. These are nice moments; I mean not nice, more like wonderful. I love the connections you can have with people sometimes when you least expect it, when you're running around doing the millions of thing s that people do, and then you pause for a moment and connect.

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  24. Ezra was born at 25 weeks, it is all I can do not to get on a plane and tell your babies to stay in there, myself! Lol I am so glad everything is good under the hood!!!
    xoxo

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  25. I went to see what you'd been wearing the last few days, and instead ended up re-reading many of your wonderful posts-sucked right in-AGAIN!! I always think about my sobriety and the path that lead me to here, and how much I had to change because I had to be a goo--better mom to my son (now 38!)I hope you never have any more of the challenges in life-you've already gotten through many!! But there will be challenges, there are for everyone, but you'll be fine, because you realize that love is the most important thing, and that everything else will work out somehow. And that you have to save yourself first, you're no good to anyone else if you don't! And love yourself--the hard part. But you need to know how many people who read your posts AND STOP AND SAY THANK YOU KATY, and keep going because you reminded them of what's really important, and we all need that reminder! It's not your job to do this for us, but you do so beautifully, and therefore we all owe you so much--there it is--the secret goldmine--Katygold!! We all want a little piece of it, or at least we want to read about it--and in return, you have all these people wanting nothing more than perfection for you and DH and Hall and Oates!! So just stay being Katy OK?!? And quit making us all cry!! (No don't really!!)

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